A Word Cloud From My Bestselling Christian Fitness Series That Never Was

Daniel M. Lavery@daniel_m_lavery

man when i think of the evangelical grifts i could have made a living off of — like i can SEE my wide-eyed frantic crossfit face on the cover of WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT GUT HEALTH

3:31 AM · Nov 10, 2020

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14 Reposts · 1.06K Likes

Daniel M. Lavery@daniel_m_lavery

flank steak + the order of melchizedek + trader joe’s + gut flora + “gideon strength” = i’m a millionaire

3:32 AM · Nov 10, 2020

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1 Repost · 458 Likes

• Proverbs 30:24’s “Four things which are little on the earth, wisest of the wise they are” refers to gut flora

• Proverbs 21:10’s “There is desirable treasure and oil in the dwelling of the wise, but a foolish man swallows it” is an argument against oil-pulling and for topical use of essential oils only

• Functional yogurt

• Soup Is Your Birthright: Physical Strength Like Esau, Mental Strength Like Jacob

• Pelvic-floor support

• Doing The Unexpected: Building Strength Like Gideon

• Proverbs 31 Strength: God Wants All His Daughters To Do Unassisted Pull-Ups

• Antediluvian reproductive health // how to get pregnant at 90 like Sarah

• Date Palms and Corinthian Get-Ups

• high-intensity punctuated sleep schedules

• Mindful abstinence

• Hammer throw

• God Made Dirt: Dirt Don’t Hurt // cookbook incorporating “friendly” soil bacteria

• Moral soccer

• Gravity squats

• Self-healing astigmatism

• Eat Like the Amish

• Isaiah 7:15 recovery drinks (curds and honey)

• Parable of the Talents

• “box turn out”

• How to drink water like Gideon’s army // why humans are wired to drink like dogs

• Strength like Joel

• energy bars made from crickets and honey called John the Fittest

• 2 Timothy 4:7 Racing

• Building up gangrene tolerance

• Intuitive Vitamin D production

• Barefoot prayer

• Pushups in the Pews: Getting A Full-Body Workout At Church

• Gleaning, Boaz, food waste

• Organ Kegels

• John 9:6 // Jesus’ spit and the healing properties of dirt on the human gut microbiome

• compression socks and the Armor of God

• Plant-based weekends followed by “carnivore confusion”

• All-offal/freegan diet due to literal interpretation of Psalm 118:22

• Working out according to your primary spiritual gifts — resistance bands and micromovement for Administration, kettlebells and ankle weights for Apostleship, foot flexion for Discernment, primal Edenic movements for Evangelism, labyrinth running for Exhortation, sleep surgery for Faith, Giving, temptation boxing for Healing, myofascial massage for Interpretation, diaphragm training for Knowledge, accountability hiking for Leadership, activated pushing for Mercy, forgetful eating for Miracles, taco night for Shepherding, full-body lamenting for Prophecy, highland games for Service, weighted virtual reality for Teaching, 30-second workouts for Tongues, interior stretching for Wisdom

• What The Bible Says About….

  • Core Flexibility

  • 12-Minute Workouts

  • Vitamin Deficiencies

  • Functional Strength

  • Bone Broth and Joint Mobility

  • Running At Altitude (“Soaring On Eagles’ Wings”)

  • Holding A Plank

  • Neck Rotations

  • Box Squats

  • Trader Joe’s

I predict, opening weekend? A million dollars…