Bible Verses I Have Quoted To My Dog, To No Effect

Upon bestowing treats:

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

Upon hearing him bark at another dog on television when I am trying to watch television:

And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

When I have to pick him up and put him on the bed every evening:

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!

Whimsically, when I desire to express my satisfaction with his existence:

And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

When I open the door to let him outside and he stands in the doorway a-tremblin’, neither stepping out nor staying in:

And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God; I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

When we are on a long drive and he drinks from a cup of water I hold for him in my hands:

To the chief Musician, Maschil, for the sons of Korah. As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.

When I return home after an hour’s absence to find he has peed on the floor:

Yet man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward.