Books That Will Never Change Your Life

Here is a list of books that will never try to change your life. I’m not linking to any of them here because it’s a lot of work and I don’t make any more money if you buy them, but you’re certainly free to buy them if you like. I’m recommending these books because I have read and enjoyed them all.

I do not like overpromising and underdelivering when it comes to reading. It stands to reason that most books cannot possibly change your life. I prefer consistent middle-of-the-road quality when it comes to this sort of thing.

Ludwig Bemelmans, Are You Hungry Are You Cold?

Ludwig Bemelmans wrote the Madeline books, but now that you’re no longer eight you ought to read Are You Hungry Are You Cold instead, which he published in 1960. It’s a novel about a group of charming and deeply unpleasant young people who suffered from terrible European-style childhoods.

I continue to believe that Bemelmans must have been gay despite having no evidence to support this, other than his very satisfying understanding of cruelty:

Veronique took me to the nursery, and there in a very beautiful crib with baby blue satin, white lace, and ribbons all over lay a new little brother, three months old. He was sleeping on his stomach and Veronique said “Watch,” and she put her hand over the baby’s skull and slowly squeezed and the head of the baby gave, like a rubber ball.

“Come and try it,” she said, and I did, and it was a curious feeling. Then Hugo came into the room, and with his strong hand he squeezed, and then all the others tried it and whenever we came to the Voltera’s house, we went to the nursery and when the nurse was busy we talked to the baby and squeezed his head. He did not cry, he smiled happily, and he died a few years later. And so there was only Alain and Veronique — and Hugo and I. We were very good friends.

It’s out of print now but be careful if you look for a used copy online; you should be able to find one for $30 or less, even though a lot of places are listing it at $200 or higher. It’s a very good book, very funny and unhappy and just soapy enough to keep it from feeling Important, but it’s not worth $200 unless you have a lot of money.