Every Blandly Reassuring Yet Unnerving Line From Patrick Wilson's Filmography

Recently in Patrick Wilson Studies: “I’m Patrick Wilson. I’m your skeptical husband. I’m — well, I’m just not so sure about all of this. Listen. It’s me you’re talking to here. Patrick Wilson, your skeptical husband, furrowed brow, forehead high with suspicion, always pinching my eyes to look harder at you. Don’t you know you can trust me? Don’t I know I can trust you? Haven’t we always been in this house together, trusting each other? Haven’t we? Can’t I believe you? Can’t you believe me? Aren’t I your husband, six foot exactly, never had a mustache?”

A Taxonomy of Patrick Wilson’s Husbandliest Affects

There’s something hypnotic about condensing Patrick Wilson’s lines from his overall filmography (highlight reel only; I don’t have the time to hunt down every line from The Commuter or Aquaman to get the idea across) into a monologue. Reassuring, defensive, protective, evasive, befuddled, indignant, beautifully bewildered by his own blankness, in desperate need of skillful feminine management to stay shielded from the terrifying specter of interiority — Patrick Wilson is a husband qua husband, the ur-husband, the wellspring and the source of all husbandliness currently in existence.

We’d Better Stop / The Chaste Shepherd

Well, I shan’t keep you up late.

Well, it was nice talking to you.

Let’s not argue.

Don’t say that. Don’t even think it.

I’m a married man. You’re better than this.

The Body Is For Discipline, Not Pleasure / The Tormented Hermit

[Counting his pushups] 100.

Push-ups, crunches. A little running.

Not gay. I’m not gay.

I’m tired. I’m going to bed.

I don’t think I like what you’re implying.

I just…I have to be up early.

I have to go and I think you should leave.

Could we not do that tonight?

You’re Safe Now / The Eternal Guardian

I’m here. Nothing can harm you.

What you heard was a dream. Nothing more.

Jesus, that’s terrible. But you didn’t know.

No. No, no. I’m not mad. I just want you to know that I love you very much, and I would never do anything to hurt you. Okay?

Go back to sleep, buddy.

I’ll be careful. Yeah. Yeah, I promise.

God have mercy on us all.

Sorry. I have to go do my duty. So glad you could make it.

Hey Neighbor, Hot Enough For Ya? I’m Very Normal / The Open-Hearted Glad-Hander

Oh jeez. I bet.

Yeah, you’re right.

Me? Great.

I could get used to this.

Pier One?

Hey, hand me a wrench, would you?

Well, that explains a few things.

Yeah, man, all the time. It took a while, you know? But yep, we kept it alive during the pregnancy. Found ways to get around it. [Chuckles]

You picking up anything in here, hon?

You did good.

Just great to have more female energy around here. Really balances things out.

That sounds good to me.

Nice timing.

I Don’t Know What I Feel Anymore / The Disoriented Naïf

I better not.

This is crazy. I’m not going to do this.

I said I need more time.

I’m confused.

I don’t know anymore what I want.

I don’t know. I haven’t played in ten years. It used to be such a big part of my life. Then when I stopped, I just stopped. I didn’t even miss it. But now that I’m doing it again…I feel…I don’t know.

But it’s based on a lie.

Don’t Ask Me About My Business, Kay / The Indignant Liar

Not yet. Are you crazy?

What are you saying?

Right now I’m a little busy with my work. Right. Yeah, I’m just a little busy with my work. I don’t know if my manner is brusque or off-putting at times. I don’t know if you find it that way... So I’m really happy that you have new ideas. And I will let you know when I’m ready to look at them.

Just for the record, I have no problem inside of me at all. And this is new for me. I just need you people to know that I’m not being hesitant.

No. Don’t say that.

I’d never order an alcoholic beverage on the bridge.

I want to remind you that you have to be very careful about the way you talk about these things, um, especially in therapy because that — it’s very delicate. And careers can be affected. Is someone with you? Was he there the whole time?

Is Something Wrong? / The Watchdog of Banality

What’s wrong with the Chevy?

What happened to us? What happened to the American Dream?

Watch out!

You can have a baby. Anyone can have a baby. What are you talking about?

Please Don’t Cry

Don’t cry.

No more tears.

Don’t get defensive, okay?

Are you okay?

Don’t worry so much. Please.

I felt sorry for you. We both felt sorry for you.

No more talk of darkness.

Please don’t cry.

[Quotes from Angels in America, The Phantom of the Opera, Little Children, Watchmen, Young Adult, Space Station 76, The Conjuring, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Zipper. Image via]