"God helpe the poore Fishes; it is a hard world with them, they use not to lye under such thicke roofes:" Highlights From the Great Frost Fairs of 1683
Original (“The great frost. cold doings in London, except it be at the lotterie. With newes out of the country. A familiar talk betwene a country-man and a citizen touching this terrible frost and the great lotterie, and the effects of them. the description of the Thames frozen over.”) here.
We seem to have gotten through winter this year (at least where I am in New York) without having any winter to speak of. Let us then look to winters past for a sense of seasonal stability, in a trend I’d like to christen frostalgia or biomesickness, starting with the London frost fairs of 1683, when the Thames froze over, and an enterprising gazetteer began the nightly news tradition of pairing the weather report with the winning lottery numbers.
“How cold is it?”
Country-man.
I beséech you tell me; Is that goodly River of yours, I call it yours, because you are a Citizen, and that River is the Nurse that gives milke & hony to your citie: But is that Lady of fresh waters all covered over with ice?
Citizen.
All over I assure you Father: the Frost hath made a floore upon it, which shewes like gray Marble, roughly hewen out: it is a very pavement of glasse, but that it is more strong. The Thames now lies in, or rather is turned (as some thinke) bankerupt, and dares not shew her head; for all the water of it floates up and downe now like a spring-tide in a celler.
Country-man.
God helpe the poore Fishes; it is a hard world with them, when their houses are taken over their heads, they use not to lye under such thicke roofes.
“Is it true that London has become a steampunk paradise, full of winter-engines and pulley systems?”
Country-man.
And doe not the Westerne-Barges come downe upon certaine artificiall pullies and engines, sliding on the ice, to serve your Citie with fewell.
Citizen.
That were a wonder worth séeing, and more strange than the rowing over stéeples by lande in a wherry [rowboat]; no I assure you, these stories shall never stand in our Chronicles: there is no such motion.
“What’s this I hear about a mechanical tavern that glides up and down the ice every day? Can we at least get drunk there?”
Country-man.
But I hope Sir you & I may drink a pinte of sack in the Tavern that runs upon whéels on the river, aswel as a thousand have done besides, may we not? the motion of that wine-celler I am sure is to be séen, is it not?
Citizen.
The water-celler is, but the wine-cellers have too good doings on the land, to leave that, and to set up Tavernes on the River; you know more in the Country I perceive then we doe in the Citie of these matters…Barre all these rumors hereafter out of your eares, for they are false and deceitful, & flie up & downe like Lapwings, their in times being there it is, when it is not.
The Thames is variously referred to as a “he” and sometimes a “lady” throughout the pamphlet, much like yours truly! I suppose since the spelling of half the words here haven’t yet been standardized, neither has the gender of the river.
Citizen.
You shall understand therefore that the Thames began to put on his Freeze-coote (which yet he weares) about the weeke before Christmas, and hath kept it on till now this latter end of Ianuarij [January], howe long time soever besides to come, none but God knowes.
Country-man.
Did it never thawe in thus many weekes?
Citizen.
Onely thrée dayes, or foure at the most, and that but weakely to disolve so great a hardnesse. The Cakes of Ice (great quantitie, and in great numbers) were made & baked cold in the mouth of winter, at the least a fortnight or thrée wéekes, before they were crusted & cremēted togither; but after they once joynd their strengths in one, their backsheld out & cold not be broke.
Welcome to Freezeland
Country-man.
On sir I pray.
Citizen.
This cold breakfast being given to the Citie, & the Thames growing more & more hard-hearted, wylde youthes and boyes were the first Merchant-venturers that set out to discover these cold Islandes of Ice upon the River (it was held the best and the safest travelling into our new found Freezeland, by those créekes). And the first path that was beaten forth, to passe to the Banck-side (with out going over Bridge, or by Boate) was about Cold-Harbour, and in those places neere the Bridge; for the Tides still piling up the flakes of Ice one upon another in those places of the Thames.
Can Women Walk on Ice Too?
Citizen.
It appeares so by this frost: for no danger could nip their bloods with feare; but over some weent in shoals when thousands stood gazing on and swore, they would not follow their steppes in that waterie wildernesse for many thousands of pounds: nay, even many of those that were the discoverers, and did first venture over, would never undertake the second voyage, but protested when they were halfe way, they would have lost much to have bin againe on shore.
Country-man.
It is most likely, for perills that are not common make men foole-hardy, but being once tasted, they tremble to come néere them.
Citizen.
You say true Father; but the feare of this shipwracke, and of these rockes, grew everyday lesse and lesse, as the ice increased in hardnesse, so mens hearts increased in hardinesse: so that at the length, (the frost knitting all his sinewes together, and the inconstant water (by that meanes) being of a floating element, changed into a firme ground as it were) both men, women,and children walked over, and up and down in such companies, that I verily beléeve, and I dare almost swear it, that one half (if not three parts) of the people in the Citie, have béen séene going on the Thames.
So There Is A Bar Out Here
Citizen.
The River shewed not now (neither shewes it yet) like a River, but like a field where Archers shoote at prickes, whilst others play at foote-ball. It is a place of maisterie, where some wrestle, and some runne, and he that does best is aptest to take a fall. It is an Alley to walke upon without dread, albeit under it be most assured danger. The Gentlewomen that trembles to passe over a Bridge in the field, doth here walke boldly: the Citizens wife that lookes pale when she sits in a boate for feare of drowning, thinkes that here shee treades as safe now as in her Parlour: Of all ages, of all sexes, of all professions this is the common path: it is the roade way betwéene London and Westminster, and betwéene South-warke and London. Would you drinke a cuppe of sacke Father? there stand some with Rundlets [barrels] to fill it out.
Country-man.
Ah ha, thats the Taverne then is talked on.
Citizen.
Thirst you for Béere, Ale, Vsquibath, &c. or for victualls? there you may buy it, because you may tell an other day how you dined uppon the Thames. Are you colde with going over? you shall ere you come to the midst of the Riuer, spie some ready with pannes of coales to warme your fingers. If you want fruite after you have dined, there stands Costermongers to serve you at your call. And thus doe people leave their houses and the stréetes, turning the goodliest River in the whole Kingdome, into the broadest-stréete to walke in.
You’re Telling Me Everyone’s Just Out Walking On The Ice and Nobody’s Fallen In Yet?
Country-man.
But tell mee I pray Sir, if all the merchants that undertake this voyage to these your narrow seas, are none undone? doe none of your fresh-water souldiers miscarry, & drop downe in these slipperie Marshes?
Citizen.
Yes, it hath beene a kinde of battaile for the time, for some have fallen in up to the knées, others to the middle, others to the arme-pittes, yea and some have béene ducked over head and eares, yet have craw∣led out like drowned Rats, whiles others have suncke to the bottome that never rose againe to the top: they had a cold bed to lye in. Amongst many other misfortunes that are to bee pittied, this is one; A couple of friendes shooting on the Thames with birding-péeces, it happened they strooke a Sea-pie, or some other fowle, they both ran to catch it, the one stumbled forward, his head slipt into a déepe hole, and there was hee drownd: the other (in his haste) slipt backward, & by that meanes saved his life.
A poore fellow likewise having heated his body with drinke, thought belike to coole it on the water: but comming to walke on the Ice, his head was too heavy for his héeles, so that downe he fell, and there presently died.
Country-man.
Let his fall give others warning how to stand. Your Citie cannot choose but bee much damnified by this strange congealing of the Riuer.
“The Dead Term”
Citizen.
The Citie by this meanes is cut off from all comerce: Shop-kéepers may sit and aske what doe you lacke, when the passengers may very well reply, what doe you lacke your selves: they may sit and stare on men, but not sit and sell: it was (before) called The dead Terme, and now may wee call this, The dead Vacation, The frozen Vacation, The cold Vacation. If it be a Gentlemans life to live idlely, and doe nothing, how many poore Artificers and Trades-men have béene made Gentlemen then by this Frost?
Thank You For Telling Me How Cold It Is Here. I Love and Would Die For You Now
Citizen.
For neither could coale be brought up the River, neither could wood be sent downe. The Westerne Barges might now wrap up their smoakie Sayles, for albeit they had never so loftie a gale, their voyage was spoyld, the windes was with them, but the tide was cleane against them. And not onely hath this frost nipt away those comforts that should revive the outward parts of the body, but those also that should give strength and life to the inward. For you of the Country being not able to travel to the Citie with victualls, the price of victuall must of necessity be enhanced, and victuall itselfe brought into a scarcitie. And thus have I given you (according to your request) a true picture of our Thames frozen over.
Country-man.
Sir, you have satisfied me to the full, and have given unto me so good a taste of your love, that if I should live double the yeares that are alreadie scored on my head, I cannot choose but die indebted to your kindnesse.
Is It Cold Where You’re From Too
Citizen.
As I have discovered unto you, what colde doings wee have had (during this Frost) in the Citie, so I pray let me understand from you, what kinde of worlde you have lived in in the Country.
Country-man.
The same colde hand of Winter is thrust into our bosomes, the same sharpe ayre strikes woundes into our bodies: the same Sunne shines uppon vs, but the same Sunne doeth not heate us no more then it doeth you. The poore Plough-mans children sit crying and blowing their nayles, as lamentably as the children and servants of your poore Artificers. Hunger pinches their chéekes as deepe into the flesh, as it doeth into yours here…Wée greeve as much to beholde the miserie of our poore Cattell (in this frozen-hearted season) as it doeth to looke uppon our owne affliction…The ground is bare, and not worth a poore handfull of grasse. The earth séemes barren, and beares nothing, or if shee doeth, most unnaturally she kills it presently, or suffers it through cold to perish.
Tomorrow’s Forecast Is Drowning
Citizen.
But I pray you Father, what is your opinion of this strange Winter?
Country-man.
I shall doe my best to satisfie you: When these great Hilles of ice shall be digged downe, and be made levell with the waters; when these hard rockes shall melt into soft rivers, and that a sudden thaw shall overcome this sharpe Frost, then is it to be feared, that the swift, violent and unresistable Land-currents, will beare downe Bridges, beate downe Buildings, overflow our Corne-fieldes, over-runne the Pastures, drowne our Cattell, and endanger the lives both of man and beast, travailing on their way.
Citizen.
You say right This Prognostication which yuur judgment thus lookes into, did alwayes fall out to be too true.
Enough Ice Talk. I Hear There’s A Lottery In Town
Country-man.
Indeed Time is a jewell of imcomparable value. I must request one kindnesse more at your hands. I heare Sir strange report of a certayne Lottery for Plate [silver or gold], of a great value, here in London: Is it true?
Citizen.
It is true, that there is a Lottery, and it is set up by Strangers…This Lotterie (as I sayd before) consisteth all of plate: it is a goodly Goldsmiths shop to come into: and to behold so many gilt Spoones, Cups, Bowles, Basons, Ewers, &c. fairly graven, and richly guilded, who would not be tempted to venture a shilling (for thats a stake for a lot) when for that shilling hee may happily draw a peece of plate worth a hundred pound, or an hundred and fortie, fiftie, or threescore pounds, if he can catch it, which he may doe if Fortune favour him.
Country-man.
Oh sir, that found of a hundred pound makes good musicke in the eare, and drawes men to hearken to it. Those are the sweete baytes: but upon what hookes, I pray you, are those lickorish bayts hung?
Citizen.
Upon villanous long ones: for to everie prize there are put in 40. blanks, so that there are so many tricks to set a man beside the saddle, and but one to leape in. There are 7600. prizes, and 42. mil. of Blanckes: a number of hard choaked Peares must be swallowed, before the delicate fruit can be tasted.
At Least Everyone Else Is Suffering Too
Citizen.
I adde this further report, that this Frost hath not onely continued in this extremitie here in England, but all or the greatest part of all the Kingdomes in Christendome, have beene pinched by the same: amongst which those Countries Northward (as Russia, Muscovia, &c, which at these times of the yeare are commonly subiect to sharpe, bitter and violent Frosts) were now (this Winter) more extreamely, and more extraordinarily afflicted, then usually they have beene in many yeares before. So that the calamities that have falne upon us by this crueltie of the weather, are so much to be endured with the greater patience, and with more thankesgiving to God, because his hand hath punished neighbors and other Nations as heavily (if not more severely) then he hath us.
Why does a pound of sugar cost less when bought on the frozen Thames than when bought from the same merchant on land?
Because on the ice the merchant uses a sliding scale.