"i wish we had the Toast back for a minute just so we could come up with fifty all-girl cover band names"
Two things I love a lot are
- Nicole Cliffe
and also
- making the same joke 97 times with only very slight variations on the original theme
A few days ago I was in rehearsal with an orchestra for a show I'm doing with my buddy Kiefo in San Francisco next month, and in between sets/letting everyone play with my dog Murphy I started texting Nicole dumb ideas for all-girl cover band names, because one of my favorite things about all-girl cover band names is that they are just great stupid puns 100% of the time (also the members of AC/DShe call themselves "gals," which I find inordinately charming). It started, as these things always do, with "Red Hot Filly Peppers" (which I have since learned, a bit disappointingly, is already the name of a racehorse) and devolved from there.
NICOLE: ugh i wish we had the toast back for a minute just so we could come up with fifty all-girl cover band names
SELF: no you don't, it was too much work and you were tired, keep zooming forward always like a shark, i'll put it in the next tinyletter (FIRST AS BLOG THEN AS MUCH LESS POPULAR EMAIL NEWSLETTER FINALLY AS FARCE), keep 'em coming
NICOLE: "Iron Maiden {no change)" has gotta be what ends the list
Judas Nun
SELF: YES
NICOLE: Something for Foo Fighters
The Mary and Martha Chain
SELF: Johnny Gash
NICOLE: YES
A Cup/D Cup
SELF: MOM JOVI
NICOLE: Serena Joy Division
SELF: okay well then it has to be Iron Handmaiden's Tale
NICOLE: llllll yes
SELF: Nirvanna White
Oasister
NICOLE: Body Positive Lizzy
SELF: as;dlkfjas;ldkfjasdf
NICOLE: the Dead Rosemary Kennedys
or Dead Ethel Kennedys
whichever sounds more punk rock
SELF: fuck me
NICOLE: Nine Inch Heels
SELF: MORRIS-SHE
NICOLE: Beck-y
SELF: what is the female equivalent of drake, like a girl version of a mallard?
NICOLE: I have no idea
Megabrest, intentionally with no "a" like Megadeth
also I feel like we can do something with Slipknot?
SELF: Slip(likethelingerie)knot
NICOLE: I just told Steve I can't entertain his guest because "I am working"
SELF: BLINK
ONE
LADY
TWO
NICOLE: OH MY GOD
SELF: I have never been more in love with myself
NICOLE: it's perfect, you're perfect
SELF: My Femical Romance
Fall Out Boi
Ed She-ran
NICOLE: Jane Austen's Addiction
Slay-her
The Mamas & The Mamas
SELF: Frankie Galli and the Four Sheasons
NICOLE: Denise Crosby Stills & Nash
Leonard Co-Hens
SELF: The Allgirls Sisters
NICOLE: Flock of Sheagulls
SELF: Foreign-Her
NICOLE: The Black-Eyed Shes
SELF: Vampire Weekend But The Vampires Are All Girls
NICOLE: Crone Iver
Franz Herdinand
SELF: Mum 41
NICOLE: oh shit I've never been on the r/broadway subreddit before and I feel like it's gonna be OFF THE CHAIN
SELF: oh God I BET
NICOLE: immediately ranking by "most controversial" of all time
"Austin newspaper calls Phantom 'thin source material,' says the chandelier drop is the reason it's still running 30 years later, smh"
"Everyday I wake up and I'm thankful that we didn't have to live through a Glee episode of Hamilton"
by the way if I ever get eaten by a tiger at a zoo or big cat sanctuary, don't let anyone tell anyone that I would want the tiger to live, avenge my death
SELF: oh my god obviously
My heart is a very full cup of coffee! I don't know how to drink it without spilling!
