"i wish we had the Toast back for a minute just so we could come up with fifty all-girl cover band names"

Two things I love a lot are

- Nicole Cliffe

and also

- making the same joke 97 times with only very slight variations on the original theme

A few days ago I was in rehearsal with an orchestra for a show I'm doing with my buddy Kiefo in San Francisco next month, and in between sets/letting everyone play with my dog Murphy I started texting Nicole dumb ideas for all-girl cover band names, because one of my favorite things about all-girl cover band names is that they are just great stupid puns 100% of the time (also the members of AC/DShe call themselves "gals," which I find inordinately charming). It started, as these things always do, with "Red Hot Filly Peppers" (which I have since learned, a bit disappointingly, is already the name of a racehorse) and devolved from there. 

NICOLE: ugh i wish we had the toast back for a minute just so we could come up with fifty all-girl cover band names


SELF: no you don't, it was too much work and you were tired, keep zooming forward always like a shark, i'll put it in the next tinyletter (FIRST AS BLOG THEN AS MUCH LESS POPULAR EMAIL NEWSLETTER FINALLY AS FARCE), keep 'em coming

NICOLE: "Iron Maiden {no change)" has gotta be what ends the list
Judas Nun


NICOLE: Something for Foo Fighters
The Mary and Martha Chain

SELF: Johnny Gash

A Cup/D Cup


NICOLE: Serena Joy Division

SELF: okay well then it has to be Iron Handmaiden's Tale

NICOLE: llllll yes

SELF: Nirvanna White

NICOLE: Body Positive Lizzy

SELF: as;dlkfjas;ldkfjasdf

NICOLE: the Dead Rosemary Kennedys 
or Dead Ethel Kennedys
whichever sounds more punk rock

SELF: fuck me 

NICOLE: Nine Inch Heels


NICOLE: Beck-y

SELF: what is the female equivalent of drake, like a girl version of a mallard?

NICOLE: I have no idea
Megabrest, intentionally with no "a" like Megadeth
also I feel like we can do something with Slipknot?

SELF: Slip(likethelingerie)knot

NICOLE: I just told Steve I can't entertain his guest because "I am working"



SELF: I have never been more in love with myself

NICOLE: it's perfect, you're perfect

SELF: My Femical Romance
Fall Out Boi
Ed She-ran

NICOLE: Jane Austen's Addiction
The Mamas & The Mamas

SELF: Frankie Galli and the Four Sheasons

NICOLE: Denise Crosby Stills & Nash
Leonard Co-Hens

SELF: The Allgirls Sisters

NICOLE: Flock of Sheagulls

SELF: Foreign-Her

NICOLE: The Black-Eyed Shes

SELF: Vampire Weekend But The Vampires Are All Girls

NICOLE: Crone Iver
Franz Herdinand

SELF: Mum 41

NICOLE: oh shit I've never been on the r/broadway subreddit before and I feel like it's gonna be OFF THE CHAIN

SELF: oh God I BET

NICOLE: immediately ranking by "most controversial" of all time
"Austin newspaper calls Phantom 'thin source material,' says the chandelier drop is the reason it's still running 30 years later, smh" 
"Everyday I wake up and I'm thankful that we didn't have to live through a Glee episode of Hamilton"
by the way if I ever get eaten by a tiger at a zoo or big cat sanctuary, don't let anyone tell anyone that I would want the tiger to live, avenge my death

SELF: oh my god obviously

My heart is a very full cup of coffee! I don't know how to drink it without spilling!