“If you want to stop the devil, don’t cut off her hands. Lift her wallet”: Power Ranking Every Line of Dialogue In The New "Now You See Me, Now You Don't" Trailer

I have made no secret of my affection for the Now You See Me franchise. (“I love the version of mental vulnerability that exists in these movies, where all it takes to be rendered perfectly hypnotized is for someone to say something like "WATCH my WATCH and SLEEP," like everyone's got a psychic fontanelle; it felt like watching a Scientology video.”)

I have borne with great patience the nine-year wait between the second and third installments in the series. That patience has been rewarded with an official trailer:

The dialogue has always been one of the highlights in the NYSM universe. It’s baffling, merciless, and grandiose, like when Morgan Freeman says “Now the greatest magicians in the world are my magic trick,” or when Dave Franco announces “Not long ago we were tricked,” as if confessing to a murder.

Costuming is another of the series’ strong points; in this trailer alone I counted one character wearing fingerless gloves (Isla Fisher, oxblood leather), two wearing porkpie hats (Morgan Freeman, Woody Harrelson), and one a chef’s toque (the newly introduced Dominic Sessa, playing a character named “Bosco.” Every detail is perfect).

Allegedly this is the first of the NYSM movies not to feature either Michael Caine or Mark Ruffalo, but I can’t help but think this is all an elaborate trick. There will be a reveal. There must be.

Jesse Eisenberg’s J. Daniel Atlas returns, having apparently split from the rest of the Four Horseman, and takes a new group of magicians (Dominic Sessa, the fellow from I Saw The TV Glow, and Ariana Greenblatt) under his wing. Then the rest of the Four Horsemen also return (Isla Fisher has replaced her own replacement, Lizzy Caplan, a decision I feel entirely neutral about), followed by Morgan Freeman, as they attempt to bring down Rosamund Pike.

Isla Fisher’s Henley only gets two unique lines in the trailer:

“Come up, you’re gonna be our helper.”

“Thaddeus?!”

Dave Franco’s Jack fares no better:

“Hey, guys. Dead end.”

“Way to represent, Merritt.”

June, one of the newcomers, gets:

“Oh my God, what?”

“Eight magicians against a worldwide criminal network. I like our chances.”

Dominic Sesson’s Bosco elevates things slightly:

“[Pretending to be J. Daniel Atlas] J. Daniel Atlas in the house. Who wants to see a magic trick?”

“I think we would have made the Horsemen proud. My Atlas was spot-on.”

Charlie has two entirely unremarkable lines:

“Why not the other Horsemen?”

“What’s the trick?”

and a moment of recognition with Henley (he says her name, to which Jesse Eisenberg says, “Fanboy later”), but later gets off this incredible line:

“If you want to stop the devil, don’t cut off her hands. Lift her wallet.”

Rosamund Pike’s Veronika doesn’t get many lines, but they all pack a disproportionate punch:

“Stop him!”

“Shall we get on with it?”

Best of all, she holds a diamond and announces with great relief that it is “Still safe with me!” after J. Daniel Atlas performs a magic trick on it, at which point the diamond explodes in her hands. Then he, blessedly, reveals that he has the diamond, and says, “Relax. Diamonds are forever,” which makes no sense in context but is, of course, the name of a James Bond movie, and in the world of Now You See Me, reference is everything, possibly the only thing, that matters.

In the next scene, all of the characters zipline onto an old boat. Wherever possible, the Now You See Me series understands that we do not want to see magicians walk or drive to get around. We want to see them on ziplines, slide down chimneys, firemen’s poles, leap up fire escapes, hide on sailboats, disappear behind passing trucks, et cetera, the more implausible the vehicle, the better.

Morgan Freeman’s Thaddeus gets extra credit for at one point wearing a fedora with a buckle on it, which I assume he supplied from his own wardrobe at home, and says four perfect things in a row:

“My Horsemen.”

“You were brought together for a reason.”

“Bring down two generations of criminals in a single sleight of hand.”

“Want to see a magic trick?”

But it’s Jesse Eisenberg’s J. Daniel Atlas who carries the show. Once again, he has been inexplicably dressed in the smoothest wigs money can buy, which is pleasantly unsettling, and says things like:

“Okay, disappear in three, two, one.”

“Really? I’ll be the judge of that.”

“According to that card, for some reason I need you.”

“I am talking about a trick that is bigger and better than anything you’ve ever seen.”

“It’s now or never.”

His best line, however, comes with the new kids:

J. DANIEL ATLAS: “The heart diamond. The most valuable jewel in history.”

JUNE: “But what makes this diamond so special?”

BOSCO: “Because a magical tarot card told us.”

But it is also the most valuable jewel in history! That’s very special! It doesn’t require a sarcastic jibe about tarot cards at all. I am prepared to receive this new movie into my heart with a pure and holy affection — the heart of a heist movie, and the brains of a heist movie trailer, as described by a child, forever and ever.