Joan Didion and Jane Fonda Trapped In A Waldorf Salad

“Anna Wintour, it’s me, your good friend Joan Didion. I’m calling you from the inside of a Waldorf salad. As you know, it is my custom on Wednesdays to meet Jane Fonda for lunch to discuss what we think the people of Los Angeles might be doing without us. We were served by a friendly waiter – I believe him to have been a cricket – but imagine my surprise when he mentioned casually over popovers that it is not the year nineteen and seventy-two. Well, I fell right over and tumbled into my own Waldorf salad, and have been clinging for life to a grape for several hours now. Jane tried to free me herself, but was trapped inside of her own popover, and Chris Buckley has been trying to cover her in butter and eat her from the next table over. I’m terribly embarrassed. As you know, no one from Sacramento has ever been trapped inside of a mayonnaise-based salad, and now Norman Mailer keeps trying to help me, but I keep telling him, I don’t like theory.”