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Nell's avatar

While I have never transitioned, some items on this list of reaction gymnastics are very familiar. They are the same as I've heard from my dad after I've made requests such as, "Please stop having prolonged discussions with me about my body and how bad or good you think it is today," "You hurt my feelings in this specific way and I wish you'd apologize," "I am going to hang up the phone because your haranguing makes it clear you're not able to talk about this sensibly right now and I have to go back to work," etc.

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Morgan's avatar

As someone who's parents engaged in a rapid-fire version of all of these years ago, and who has since fully cut contact (for a wide variety of reasons, this among them), reading this really helps me feel less shame over the choice to stop contact.

Despite all the unarguably good reasons to have made the choices I have, I still sometimes feel the pang of cost-benefit guilt that, "sure, they're assholes, but what if they SOMEDAY came around to my transition! Then I'd only have a dozen reasons to not talk to them, instead of a dozen and one."

I intuitively grasped the truth of the matter - they were never going to 'get better,' they're just waiting for me to get past my Condition. But feeling it is different from seeing someone else put it into words and crystalizing the experiences. Thank you for this, every time I feel some pang of guilt for an Ow My Leg or a When Were You Going To Tell Us I'll come back to this.

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