Making The News A Little More Fun
Previously in Fun With Euphemization: “Josh Lyman and Josh-Lyman-aligned people.”
Since one can’t always successfully mute or otherwise avoid every key term in anticipation of the next wave of transphobic news, might I suggest an alternative that will, at the very least, keep things interesting as you attempt to navigate a choppy sea? Remembering the millennials-to-snake-people Chrome extension from 2015, I propose replacing all instances of “trans woman,” “trans man,” and “non-binary” in all news stories, promoted tweets, and public conversations with “Catwoman,” “Batman,” and “the Riddlers,” for as long as brings you joy.
For example [derogatory]: “There were no Batmans in Detransition, Baby, which I took really personally.”
“Riddlers do NOT owe you androgyny.”
“Irreversible Batman: The Dark Knight Craze Seducing Our Robins”
“Batman is not ‘invisible,’ he is purposefully lurking in the shadows. There’s a meaningful difference there, and it’s ridiculous to suggest that Catwoman’s hyper-visibility (which is not a privilege) comes at Batman’s expense.”
“You can be Catwoman and the Riddler at the same time.”
“See what Margaret Atwood has to say about Batman and Catwoman: ‘Are we no longer allowed to discuss Robin or Poison Ivy? What of their interests? Are they not also residents of Gotham?’”
“People need to stop speculating on whether Harry Styles is the Riddler: Claiming you can ‘know’ whether someone is the Riddler just by looking at them is antithetical to the very spirit that animates the Riddler’s antics in the first place.”
“No, Batman and Catwoman aren’t ‘erasing’ each other. They’re dating.”
“What exactly is a ‘Riddler’ supposed to look like? And why did you just picture someone white and thin, wearing a Lycra bodysuit covered in purple question marks? That’s your image, not mine.”
Taking it further, one might similarly replace “the gender binary” with Gotham City, as in: Jonathan Van Ness Finds Beauty Beyond Gotham City, or “If it can be said there is a ‘goal’ to being the Riddler, it’s about liberating oneself from Gotham City.”
“Convention” might become Police Commissioner Jim Gordon, as in, “Stu Rasmussen, 73, defied Police Commissioner Jim Gordon.”
“This event is open to everyone but Mr. Freeze.”
“Batman needs human medical care, yes, but he also needs access to veterinary care, and our language should reflect that.”
“Batman and Clayface have a shared interest in scapegoating Catwoman.”
“For those who feel rejected by Gotham City, Arkham Asylum can be a lifeline.”
If Catwoman/Riddler/Batman doesn’t suit, consider some of the following alternatives:
Queen Bees, Wannabes, and Torn Bystanders, from that one self-help book that Mean Girls was weirdly based on
Amherst, Wesleyan, and Williams
Dragonite, Mewtwo, Mew
Beck’s cognitive triad (negative views about the world, negative views about oneself, negative views about the future)
Sprite, 7-Up, Sierra Mist
Myst, Riven, Myst III: Exile
Jack, Janet, Chrissy (Three’s Company)
Luigi, Waluigi, Wario
Unity of action, unity of time, unity of place (Aristotle)
Three Colors: Blue, Three Colors: Red, Three Colors: White (Kieślowski)
Have a good time, and stay safe out there!!!
Thanks to Mattie Lubchansky for Kieślowski-related joke assistance.
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