Quint from Jaws: toughest man of the whole summer, you love him but he’s no good, only a shark can understand him, alcoholic baby, you all know him, you know what he does, Mister Hooper, knows when there are too many captains on this island, only songs he know come from the sea, eggs in a tin cup, whistles for speech, oyster-knife, sleeps wearing jeans, local color, small hat, big hands, reverse it, Mister Cooper.

Why It’s No: Every day I do my little stretches and listen to “therapy music”