Possible Breakfast Times, Ranked

Within five minutes of arising:

I mean no disrespect, but you are a child, perhaps? The freshly-minted furnace of your body must be continually stoked with cut-up hot dogs and Cheerios and so on, lest you fall into despair and exhaustion, so that your parents must fuel you the whole clock round. You wake up, you eat. You grow tired, you sleep. You become…