The Stages Of "I'm Really Trying" To Be Cool About Your Transition
“Now, I’m going to get it wrong a lot of the time. This is just the first thing I want to say about your transition, before we get to anything else about it, just my overall commitment to long-term inaccuracy.”
“It is a lot to take in.”
“I’m really trying.”
“It’s just a lot, you know?”
“We’re all on a journey.”
“I’m trying, okay? But I can only do so much at once, so I can either try or I can tell you what trying looks like. I can’t do both at once.”
“We’re all on a journey about your, um, journey.”
[Picking daisies angrily] “Whatever happened to tolerance, you know? Whatever happened to open-minded tolerance, and journeys, and understanding journeys, and the time it takes to go on a journey? Odysseus took twenty years to make it back to Ithaca. Whatever happened to peace, love, and understanding?”
“It’s only been a year.”
“Actually I was just about to start trying even harder, like really trying, the kind of trying you’ve only ever even dreamed about seeing, right before you said something about it, but now you’ve ruined it. Things were about to be so perfect — it was going to be the paradise you longed for — but you’ve spoken the Dolorous Word and now Charn must burn —”
“It’s only been three years!”
“I did tell you I was going to get it wrong a lot of the time.”
“I’m trying! It’s just been really hard, because as I’m sure you already know, trying makes everything harder, worse, and more painful.”
“It’s only been five years?? Can you give me a minute to catch up?”
“Look, this hasn’t been easy for either of us, because I’ve made sure it wouldn’t be.”
“I don’t have a problem with it, obviously. Your transition just naturally and inevitably turns everything into a problem, which is an entirely different thing.”
“In fairness, I never said exactly what I’d be trying to do, just that I’d would try. And I have tried to make things incredibly difficult, and on that front I think we can all agree I’ve really succeeded.”
The White Witch: "Actually, my pronouns are they/them -"
[world ends]
Honestly, thank you. I'll be sending this to so many people.