Things I Imagine Joni Mitchell To Have Plausibly Said At Some Point Despite Never Really Engaging With Her Work

Or I don't understand the 70s but I'll never stop trying to get there

• “The Jam-Man isn’t pepper friendly, isn’t pepper friendly to the least.”

• “No one’s ever seen, the man from the Air Force, not by his name nor by his eyes.”

• “All I’ve ever eaten is the same baked potato, the one and selfsame baked potato, all my life, all my life.”

• “The man from Ontario who wasn’t, he strides, he arrives, he’s all enclouded in change.”

• “I’ve been a-courting and a-reeling in my man from Normandy, I’ve walked all round my knees before five this morning.”

• “The King of England, he ate a fragrant and a spiced orange! I held it in my hands!”

• “The cat, the cat, the cat, the cat, disregards the pipes, disregards them all.”

• “The art has been derailed, derailed offhand, and I won’t have a second cup of coffee after all.”

• “I’ve been saved up for the bootleg but I’ll break down by the dance. I’ve never traveled up-side down, and my smile’s for happenstance.”

• “The helm is grotesque.”

• “I was my best in California, but California went her way, I went upwards for the city and I fell inside the day.”

• “There’s no union in the basement, there’s no union here at all.”

• “The seagull-girl has failed to charm, and the jack-knipes wave their arms.”

• “I want a pair of trousers with legs as wide as my heart, as wide as the sea, as wide as the inside of Canada, as wide as geese flying, geese flying, geese flying to Lake Louise.”

• “There were piano-songs then! There was a coyote who held my heart in its teeth! And politeness closed the day.”

• “I was a dream, I was the King of England’s daughter, the king of England’s only daughter, the king of England’s fragrant daughter, and I never had no knees.”

If I ever hear a song by Joni Mitchell, I just can’t wait to start to love her.