If I could ever have been able to touch my toes. Not just that, but if I’d ever been flexible enough to do that cool kick-and-windup Alice does during the baseball scene in Twilight. I already had classically male tight hamstrings. The work was halfway done for me.
I don’t know how it’s connected, exactly, but maybe if we’d never had that “dresses over jeans” era, things would have been different.
If I’d had just one really good romantic prom date, instead of three mostly-friendly-but-underwhelming ones
You know how in the movies, free-spirited lady characters are always flashing somebody to get surprise access to hospitals and VIP bar sections and morgues and secret government facilities? And the security guard guy is always temporarily stunned afterwards for a good three minutes, like Medusa-frozen, and he’s like “Whoa-oa-oa!!” and she just gets to go off and do whatever she wants now? If that had ever happened in real life, maybe
Ever found a hairstyle that really worked for my combination sort-of-thick-but-mostly-just-finely-textured-and-slippery hair
Something about fan fiction, either a little bit more or a lot less
Honestly if Link had just had a more obviously straightforward gender presentation in Ocarina of Time
Honestly a lot less fan fiction
Shopped at Bath & Body Works more?
whenever I filled out a Slam Book in junior high I always said my biggest hobby was “kickboxing” but I’d actually never been kickboxing and that feels connected somehow
Too much Liz Lemon
No one ever hit on me in a coffee shop
Watched Sex and the City with only one female friend instead of three
Living in LA when The L Word came out was just too much pressure
Relatedly: Got one of those personalized American Girl Doll books and never could live up to it. Should have bought a Samantha accessory instead
Shouldn’t have been such an asshole with people who wanted to go to sleep at a reasonable hour at sleepovers
Not like I was drawing on them or anything, I’d just give them a hard time about not being cool and it’s like, you can’t talk someone out of being sleepy