You Want To Pet The Big Cow: An Interactive Text-Based Game

The cow is big, and you know him. There is a field, and you want to know him with your petting hand.

Do you look at him, the big cow?


I am not ready to look.

I am forbidden to look at the greatcow by the farmer and the farmer’s bloodlaw.

You are ready. You look at him now.

I am looking at him!

I am looking at him with a readiness!

I am looking elsewhere and upward!

Do you whisper to him?

I whisper secrets into the ear of the cow who is swollen with truth. I am here to defeat him.

I whisper, “This is my grass boy, Jeremy, and he is riddled with goodness and reticulated chambers.”

I daren’t whisper. I am a one-stomach coward and a soft-hooved never-you-mind, and this field is as the dark and treacherous sea to me. I have no home here among the cows and their huge baby father.

Stretch out your hand with an apple round.

“Eat, my glory. Eat sweetmeats and knowledge.”

“Nub my hand down to the wrist! Enstomach me, my massive gorgeous! Make a flesh-cud of me!”

Never will he enswell himself on my nourishment! No snacks for the darling height monster!

Feed him! Feed him a treat!

I have, my Liege!

He is eating now! See him gorge and drift on his own mass!!!

I am screaming no! I cross this field with austerity and snacklessness in my hands, and I will fill him with famine!

Let him nuzzle your palm for treats! This is your final warning, pilgrim! Lightning and sorcery await you if you fail!

I did it. My time with the big cow is finished. The lesser cows have made a path for me and are gazing at the horizon in relief.

He is the most real and full thing that there is. There couldn’t be any less of him, and he has all the skin amounts. He is the size of life, and now there is no more dying. And what will become of us all on this hot and crowding Earth? Where will God live, when we grow to be so many?

I warned you I am forbidden from these cows and their master! I told you true, not to let me near his bulk! The spell of his greatness breaks even now, and soon the Size Crisis will be upon us all –