Previously in this series: Things Old Italian Men Have Said To Me About My Dogs, part I

“Quanto costa? Quanto costa? [Inaudible due to I don’t speak Italian] She is good.”

Things Old Italian Men Have Said To Me About My Dogs, part II

[At 6am] “Who’s walkin’ who, huh? [Laughs] Who’s walkin’ who!”

Part III

[Accusatorily] “I haven’t seen these guys around as much lately! [I explain now that Gogo doesn’t weight three pounds he doesn’t have to go outside every hour] Hm. [Suspiciously] Okay, then.”

Things Crossing Guards Have Said To Me About My Dogs

“You must not be able to take him on a walk without getting stopped! Well, you don’t get a dog like this to avoid attention.”

Things Kids In My Neighborhood Have Said To Me About My Dogs

[Authoritatively] “I can pet these dogs. I see them all the time around the neighborhood. I see these dogs so much, they’re around all the time. I see them everyday practically.”

“You know there’s another set of dogs like that in the neighborhood now. I saw them the other day. Two dogs, same kind as yours. You gotta meet ‘em.”

“You seen the other Chins yet? You hear about this? I just saw them this morning. Lady with two Japanese Chins, just like these guys, on C____ Street. By the pizza place. You gotta see ‘em!”

“Are these your dogs? I’ve seen them before at the park. I’m just warning everybody with small dogs – do they like to play with big dogs? They do? – I have a small dog and he was playing with a St. Bernard at the dog park and now he has to have hip surgery. I’m just telling people so they can make their own decisions. The St. Bernard didn’t mean any harm, he’s just so much bigger. Think about it.”

[At the illicit off-books dog park that only exists between 7-9am and gets busted up by the park cops at least once a month, after one of the dogs breaks ranks and makes off with a kid’s baseball] “Okay, that’s it, we gotta go, once the kids start crying it’s time to break it up. See you Monday maybe.”

[After her dog lays down and refuses to walk upon seeing my dogs approach] “She doesn’t do this for other dogs. She always waits for them, but she never does this for any other dogs.”

NEIGHBORHOOD DAD: “You want to tell him what you learned about real dogs?”

NEIGHBORHOOD KID [Can’t decide if she wants to pet them or not]: “Yeah, okay.”

NEIGHBORHOOD DAD: “About little dogs?”

NEIGHBORHOOD KID: “Yeah.”

NEIGHBORHOOD DAD: “What about them? What did you learn about their DNA?”

NEIGHBORHOOD KID [Has decided in favor of petting them]: “It’s that…if people say little dogs aren’t real…their DNA is actually older than bigger dogs, so they happened first.”

NEIGHBORHOOD DAD: “Oh, and they’re closing C____ Street this morning, so you might want to move your car if you have one.”

ME: “No, I don’t have a car. But thank you. And I’ll remember that, about dogs.”

NEIGHBORHOOD KID: “I have to go to school now.”

“Have you seen the other dogs yet? The ones that look like these guys?” [I have not.]

[At the illicit off-books dog park that only exists between 7-9am and gets busted up by the park cops at least once a month] “Hey. Hey, hey. Hey. Hey. Look out. Get ‘em back on the leash. Somebody’s coming.”

“Hey. [Confidentially] I know these dogs. I used to run the dog daycare.”

[Her dog starts barking angrily at mine. My dogs do not notice in any meaningful way, and continue in their serene assurance that everyone on the planet likes them.] “I’m sorry. I try to tell her they’re babies. She just doesn’t like them. What can you do!”

“Ah, it’s the little guys! I’m so glad to see them. Did you know there are some new dogs that look like them in the neighborhood? I’ve seen them twice now. Look just like your guys.” [I still haven’t seen them.]

The Chatner

Dog-Related Neighborhood Gossip I've Heard…