Please excuse Jarbed from school today due to a serious case of female socialization at home.

I’m only AFAB when someone isn’t nice to me….and you wouldn’t like me when I’m AFAB.

Well, it’s high-functioning female socialization, so I can stop anytime I want.

*Jeff Foxworthy voice* If you’ve got an imposter syndrome ON your imposter syndrome? If your apologies are apologizing to your apologies? If you’re makin’ space for yourself in order to make space for someone else? Brother, you better believe it [cups hand behind ear] you might have a little case of that female socialization!

I can’t come out today. I asked my female socialization and she said no.

I’m sorry. I can’t. I have female socialization. Don’t hate me.

[Faking an injury to get out of the rest of a soccer game, falling to the ground, wincing] OW! MY GIRLHOOD!

I mean, I’m sorry if that’s how my female socialization made you feel…

Oh, don’t mind her — that’s my female socialization — she does that to everyone. Don’t you, girl? Don’t you do that to everyone? Who’s a good female socialization? You’re a good female socialization!

Sorry, do you have anything else? I can’t eat this — it interacts with my female socialization.

Sorry about earlier. I had a pretty tough time in math class in 2003, so.

I’d love to come out with you guys tonight, but my female socialization is flaring up. Have fun without me!!

Well, that’s not very female socialization of you.

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry — did I get any of my female socialization on you? Hang on, let me get a towel — I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there —

[A very socialized thanks to Mattie Lubchansky for the Jeff Foxworthy bit.]