Kindly Consider: Second Halloween
I submit for general approval the following proposal: Let us have second Halloween.
AS it is generally understood among right-thinking people that the balance of holidays between mid-autumn and early winter is at present too heavily skewed in the direction of Christmas,
WHEREBY one sees frequent complaints about Christmas-affiliated decorations, advertisements, reminders, and overall atmosphere creeping in the moment Halloween has ended, thereby stifling and bringing to an abrupt end the pleasant enjoyment of late fall and “spooky season,”
and WHEREBY everyone who prepares for Halloween usually finds themselves with superfluous candy, jack-o-lanterns, displays, etc, left over and in need of disposal,
and MOREOVER that October 31st does not always fall on a Friday, sometimes falling in the middle or even the very beginning of a work-week, artificially limiting the common enjoyment thereof,
THEREFORE I propose that the second Friday following October 31st, sometime in mid-November, ought henceforth to serve as SECOND HALLOWEEN,
Which will in all ways resemble Halloween the first, with no additional effort required of participants,
and which will thusly avoid treading on the toes of Dia de los Muertos and All Saints’ Day, falling as they do on the first days of November,
BRINGING enjoyment and cheer to all. Let us simply observe Halloween again on this day, on an annual basis, now and forever. If the remaining Jack-O-Lanterns from Halloween the first have partially decayed in the interim, so much the better; if the candy haul is slightly scantier, no matter; if the relevant parties and celebrations play out in a lower-key fashion, let that not stand as an impediment to anyone’s gratification.
This will also produce the decidedly-welcome side effect of an additional two weeks’ run time to any scary movies released earlier in the season. Let us have no more work, but a bit more Halloween, and let the rest of the autumn proceed as it normally does. I expect this proposal will meet with universal approval, as it requires little more than common consent to put it into action, and thank you in advance for your speedy response. I remain, as ever, your faithful servant,
Happy Halloween &c.