There’s a variant of “But It’s A Family Name” I’ve encountered that I’d refer to as “But What About Grandpa Karl?/What’s Your Problem With Him?” wherein expressing a dislike of a name for oneself is treated the same as disliking all instances of the name including for other people and especially for the family member(s) who share it. Thi…
There’s a variant of “But It’s A Family Name” I’ve encountered that I’d refer to as “But What About Grandpa Karl?/What’s Your Problem With Him?” wherein expressing a dislike of a name for oneself is treated the same as disliking all instances of the name including for other people and especially for the family member(s) who share it. This lets the family act like the transitioner changing their name is actually an insult to Grandpa Karl who likes his name even when the transitioner is saying they think the name suits Grandpa Karl just fine, it just doesn’t suit the transitioner. Any conversation about the name can be pivoted away from the transitioner’s feelings about what they want to be called to Grandpa Karl’s feelings which obviously matter just as much when it comes to the name & please provide us with reassurances that you’re not going to disrespect or hurt Grandpa Karl’s feelings by so much as implying you think another name could be preferable to Karl. (Whether or not Grandpa Karl is around or has expressed any opinion on the topic himself is irrelevant to other family members doing this.)
Alternatively having a problem with being called by a certain name can be assumed to be the result of having a problem with whoever else you know by that name. And if we are assuming that we might also assume changing one’s gender is just a drastic way of justifying a name change & if only we could identify/address why the transitioner is so opposed to having this thing in common with a family member then perhaps the transitioner will realise there are other (better) ways to resolve their problem besides transition or changing their name.
There’s a variant of “But It’s A Family Name” I’ve encountered that I’d refer to as “But What About Grandpa Karl?/What’s Your Problem With Him?” wherein expressing a dislike of a name for oneself is treated the same as disliking all instances of the name including for other people and especially for the family member(s) who share it. This lets the family act like the transitioner changing their name is actually an insult to Grandpa Karl who likes his name even when the transitioner is saying they think the name suits Grandpa Karl just fine, it just doesn’t suit the transitioner. Any conversation about the name can be pivoted away from the transitioner’s feelings about what they want to be called to Grandpa Karl’s feelings which obviously matter just as much when it comes to the name & please provide us with reassurances that you’re not going to disrespect or hurt Grandpa Karl’s feelings by so much as implying you think another name could be preferable to Karl. (Whether or not Grandpa Karl is around or has expressed any opinion on the topic himself is irrelevant to other family members doing this.)
Alternatively having a problem with being called by a certain name can be assumed to be the result of having a problem with whoever else you know by that name. And if we are assuming that we might also assume changing one’s gender is just a drastic way of justifying a name change & if only we could identify/address why the transitioner is so opposed to having this thing in common with a family member then perhaps the transitioner will realise there are other (better) ways to resolve their problem besides transition or changing their name.