My Six-Point Plan To Help You Stop Living Mindfully And Enter A Constant State of "Living Sleep"
Most people live their lives in a state of highly realized consciousness and profound watchful detachment, often without even realizing it — it’s simply the default option in our society.
What my program promises is to get you into a state of hypnotic “waking sleep” with a few simple mindfulness-reducing techniques that so-called “modern Western culture” has either forgotten or ignored over the years.
It’s a system of self-development that I formulated over years of traveling even further into the West, carefully studying different methods of coercion, exploitation, manipulation, compulsive smartphone usage, obsessive repetition, local community theatre groups, highly exploitative student fee structures, bolding and italicizing phrases for emphasis, and of course interpersonal abuse.
But you don’t have to do the same — I’ve distilled these decades of study into a simple six-point plan that anyone can follow for themselves. You’ll receive the same results in a matter of weeks or even days, without having to replicate my years of experience in the field.
Remember, your attention is precious. It’s the greatest gift you can offer another person. So don’t put all your eggs in one basket: Try to split your focus across at least three or four different platforms at all times.
Rule #1: Whatever it is, you’re allowed to look at it
If it’s your phone, laptop, tablet, whatever — go ahead and look at it. If it’s your partner’s work email account they forgot to log out of before falling asleep — go ahead and look at it! If you just looked at your social media timeline, but you want to look at it again? Don’t let me stop you! There’s a lot to look at out there, so get busy and stay busy.
Rule #2: Wait until you “feel ready” to make a significant change in your life or before pursuing a major goal
Be sure to hold off until you find the “magic pill” that will address your problems from the outside. In the meantime, go ahead and look at the Internet. There’s a lot going on there! If you feel a little motivated today, give it some time to build up. Tomorrow you’ll be even more motivated, and then you’ll be able to do something really impressive.
Rule #3: Freely diagnose anyone you want
Mothers, exes, your exes’ mothers, your exes’ mothers’ exes — the sky’s the limit! And don’t forget to retroactively diagnose yourself, as long as it’s only with conditions you believe you’ve been cured of in the present.
WRONG: “I think I might have ____. Is there someone I can talk to about this?”
RIGHT: “I used to have _____, until I started flourishing.”
Rule #4: If you want to attract the right kind of person, don’t forget to cultivate an “air of mystery” in your personal life
For example, stop using your turn signal while driving. Make them wonder where you’re going!
Rule #5: Use positive thoughts to attract happiness and wealth
Use abstract thoughts to attract shapes and basic concepts. Use backward induction to attract microeconomists and mathematicians. And so on.
Rule #6: Don’t dwell on your negative qualities
Instead, dwell on the negative qualities of others. Why doesn’t anybody ever put you first? And why are they all dressing so badly? Don’t they know you have to look at them every time you leave the house?
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One of the funniest paragraphs I've read all year!
It’s a system of self-development that I formulated over years of traveling even further into the West, carefully studying different methods of coercion, exploitation, manipulation, compulsive smartphone usage, obsessive repetition, local community theatre groups, highly exploitative student fee structures, bolding and italicizing phrases for emphasis, and of course interpersonal abuse.
"traveling even further into the West" cracked me up.