15 Comments
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E. Jean Carroll's avatar

One of the funniest paragraphs I've read all year!

It’s a system of self-development that I formulated over years of traveling even further into the West, carefully studying different methods of coercion, exploitation, manipulation, compulsive smartphone usage, obsessive repetition, local community theatre groups, highly exploitative student fee structures, bolding and italicizing phrases for emphasis, and of course interpersonal abuse.

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Anon21's avatar

"traveling even further into the West" cracked me up.

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Daniel Lavery's avatar

I don't know if it's possible to orientalize the West but somebody's got to try

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Rachel Chalmers's avatar

Let's occidentalize!

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Jendi's avatar

The illustration style, like a NY Times lifestyles newsletter, is just perfect.

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Darcy Fiona McNair's avatar

The BEST thing I've read since after I was diagnosed with I Am Not Perfect Disorder but then was completely cured of in 5 days and flourished! #5 is my favorite. Thanks for this--great to laugh these days. 👍

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Will Sharp's avatar

It's good to know I'm on the right track. There's no such thing as being too disconnected from the present moment.

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Kris's avatar

I feel very seen and I don't like it one bit ;)

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Mike Oppenheim's avatar

SO fun and funny! I've been to all fifty states and this 1000% ALL BOLD ITALICS CHECKS OUT!

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Brandon Fox's avatar

“Local community theatre groups.” 🤣

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Ida Santana MD's avatar

I read this as if it were Tom Cruise’s manifesto!

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Homeburger's avatar

It is reassuring to see that I am well on my way to achieving this state. I constantly seek the lowest level of mindfulness possible!

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Stephanie T's avatar

Hilarious....

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Brandon Fox's avatar

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Anton's avatar

I tried Rule #4 and nearly caused three fender benders, but I’ve never felt more mysterious. Thank you for finally giving us a mindfulness plan that rewards paranoia, social comparison, and total psychic dissociation. I’m proud to say I now live in a constant state of “living sleep” and keep my phone open to four apps minimum, even while dreaming.

(Also: “even further into the West” will live rent-free in my head forever.)

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