Potential Names For My Short-Lived Queer Suiting Company That Will Fold Under Mysterious Circumstances Eight Months After Launching

If there’s one thing I know to be true in this world, it’s that anytime I click on an article that says something like “Five AWESOME Companies Making Androgynous/Non-Binary/Genderfluid/Queer-Bodied Suits for the Butch/Masc-of-Center/TenderBlenderBabyBoi In Your Life,” if said article is more than half a year old, fully half of those links will be dead and the companies in question will be decisively, yet mysteriously, out of existence. (With the exception of Bindle and Keep, it would seem; may their doors never close.) I don’t quite know why this is! My guess is that it’s a relatively small client base, suits are generally kind of expensive, especially if you want a custom fit, and the butch/stud/transmasculine/et al market covers a lot of different body types. But that doesn’t stop us from launching another round every couple of years, because hope and ignorance of markets spring eternal (see The Toast). RIP in advance to the following startups:

• St. Nattigan’s

• Natty Bumppit

• SnapBaxx

• Dapper Snapper Dipper Dancer

• Dapper Keeper

• Dappy Pappy’s Old-Time Suit Emporium

• Best Butch Forward

• Scamps and Radigans

• Dindle Swinburnes

• The Nycely-Dressed Boi

• Jackfruit London

• Spiff’s Sprockets & Suiting

• Baggy Snazz

• Fin

• Uncle Daddy’s Fun Boy Shirts

• The Bandbox

• Spiffy Lube

• Nimble Hector

• Stretch Valiant

• Huckward

You can even make your own! Choose from the following:

Birth Month

January: Tousled

February: Swank

March: Gallant

April: Wingtip

May: Jaunt

June: Risky

July: Wolf

August: Lava

September: Turquoise

October: Melancholy

November: Juniper

December: Icicle

Don’t forget to include an ampersand!

Day of the week you were born

Sunday: Hermit

Monday: Wanderer

Tuesday: Skipper

Wednesday: Bird Shirt

Thursday: Ranger

Friday: Snapback

Saturday: Huntsman

Bonus Names: Spruce & Swagger, Juice & Venture, Prank & Prayer Hands, Perk & Cuff, Shipshape & Pin, Modern Bootheart, Spindrift & Clutch, T-Minus Five And Counting, Swelltrim, Ginger & Romp