The Chatner

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The May Queen is kind of stuck up, and kills people. The Harvest Queen mostly just does hayrides and everybody likes her

www.thechatner.com

The May Queen is kind of stuck up, and kills people. The Harvest Queen mostly just does hayrides and everybody likes her

Daniel Lavery
Feb 23
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Share this post

The May Queen is kind of stuck up, and kills people. The Harvest Queen mostly just does hayrides and everybody likes her

www.thechatner.com

May Queen:

  • Always capers at the front of the parade by herself

  • Almost no bounty to share, unless you count wreaths and flower crowns

  • Hope you like weaving garlands because sister that’s about all she’s good for

  • Maybe a bonfire if you’re lucky

  • It’s unlucky for her to carry anything herself, and you’d better believe she’s ready to milk that for all it’s worth

  • “The traditions must be kept alive”

  • Winter provisions all eaten but none of the crops have yet reached full height so dinner-wise you’re looking at rabbits and berries, at best for the next month

  • Plus you have to leave like a third of the rabbits and berries out for the aos sí too

  • “I said, ‘Pretty maiden, may I go with you,
    Through the flowers to gather some May?’
    The maid she replied, ‘My path it is here,
    I pray you pursue your own way.’”

  • Walpurgis Night means culling

  • Blood must flow

  • Half the town still away on pilgrimage from April so it doesn’t even feel like a party

  • Any time you do get off work is spent scrubbing door frames and fence-gates anyway

  • Doesn’t go anywhere without like fifteen other girls dressed exactly like her

  • What does she even do, exactly?

  • Seems fake idk

  • I’m not a prude but there’s something a little unsettling about fertility rituals and group sex under like the full noon sunlight

  • Too-tight hairstyle, white smocks, dresses like a milkmaid, kills people

Harvest Queen:

  • Gives rides to anyone who can catch up with the winnowing-cart

  • Always sharing bounty, basket overflowing with apples and sheafs of wheat, edible crown of vine leaves with grapes still attached

  • Winnowing cart also fully laden

  • Special leather pouch tied to her hips full of silver coins

  • Rides in the middle of the parade so everyone gets a chance

  • Extra bread

  • “Come and sit by my side, child!”

  • A foaming glass of nut-brown ale for all, from the smallest apple-cheeked lad to the clockmaker’s grandfather, and raspberry cordial for every traveler who stops by the inn

  • “Merry, merry, merry, cheery, cheery, cheery
    Trowel the black blow to me;
    Hey derry, derry, with a pop and a lorry,
    I’ll throw it again to thee.’”

  • Exemplifies work hard, play hard

  • Oh, brother! Mother has made such a plum cake! Have you ever heard of such bounty?

  • Flattering mood lighting from autumn sunsets, flickering torches

  • Loose hair, flowing dresses, stout walking boots, sexy but approachable/comfortable

  • Doesn’t kill anybody, always nice to me, down to earth

[Images via]

Pre-order the Dear Prudence book!

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Share this post

The May Queen is kind of stuck up, and kills people. The Harvest Queen mostly just does hayrides and everybody likes her

www.thechatner.com
2 Comments
Will Sharp
Feb 23Liked by Daniel Lavery

Extremely ballsy to post this while the pinched and hungry May Queen is gathering power and the Harvest Queen too distant yet to help you.

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Ida Santana MD
Feb 23Liked by Daniel Lavery

Dear Prudence preordered! You changed my life with that podcast. I didn’t know I could be estranged from my family and save myself. Thank you. 🥹

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