22 Comments

You are my favorite theologian

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"And when you carry that one kid home on your shoulders, do you not call your friends and neighbours and say "Rejoice with me for this asshole thought he could think for himself but poverty has taught him the rightness of my Dominion"? And your neighbours are all like "Again with this shit? First the sheep and then the coin and now this? That kid is fucking thirty years old and it's one o'clock in the goddamn morning. Enough."

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Oof, as someone raised by southern baptists who are always trying to convince me i'm depressed because i'm not one of them anymore, this got me right in the feels. Actually, whenever Danny uses scripture against the bigots and fundamentalists it's incredible.

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i had a Strong Reaction to this piece. thank you

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And the mother said, ‘Who told you that you were thirty? You can tell us. We’re not angry with you. But we are worried, desperately worried, and heartbroken, that some vile skulking stranger, with sinister intentions, would try to chisel you from the family that bore you by trying to convince you of your thirty-ness.’

Oh my God.

I mean, the whole piece is amazing but that one paragraph, I think I need to bring to my next therapy session.

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This is heart-rending.

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this is really important and very well done

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Hell yes, this is perfect

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So good

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I come back to this post over and over again. It's so good and resonates with me very deeply. Thanks for writing it

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"And all of the father’s servants crept about the guy and tried to move his lips to say ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you,’ and tried to pantomime his arms and legs into crawling, such that he had to kick a little to get out from the midst of them."

What a gruesome image, visceral and immediately recognizable.

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I love this so much. As much as the Prodigal Son jokes from Godspell.

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Those fucking creeps. :-/

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"and tell them that you used to be dead (because we disagreed)"

is power

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Those pigs sound chill

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chill as hell!!!

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I’d be down for a party goat.

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I'm picturing him wearing a party hat with a sparkly pom-pom on top and blowing on one of those party horns that unrolls!

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That was always one of my favorite parts of the story. "I work my fingers to the bone and for what? - you never even gave me a goat for a backyard BBQ."

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This is brilliant and piercing and TRUE, but also hilarious. "I have to do a head count every night, you know, and missing pigs come right out of my paycheck." is one of the all-time great comedy lines!

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