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by the way I am TENTATIVELY starting to think about what I want my fourth book to be about and I think I might try a whack at a NOVEL

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btw both Grace and I were pretty pleasantly surprised by how chill our experience as trans people in France was (even the 'street engagement' generally meant that like, once or twice a week a man told Grace she looked pretty like Lady Gaga, which is pretty nice) although my favorite moment came at passport control today when she looked at my passport, then at me, then said with a French accent: "So - I am sorry - you started as a woman, and now...?"

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Did you hear about this??

"The entire committee of Edinburgh University's LGBT+ Staff Pride Network has resigned after being told by the University not to speak out about an 'anti-trans' event that took place on campus yesterday (5 June).

The event - called 'Women's Sex-Based Rights' was organised by Dr Gale Macleod and featured feminist writer Julie Bindel, who has been outspoken about trans issues in her past writing."

https://www.edinburghlive.co.uk/news/edinburgh-news/entire-edinburgh-university-lgbt-committee-16389812

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we're on a carrier that upcharges you for EVERYTHING but we are getting our own back by getting TWO of the smallest cups of tea in the world,,,a SCAM

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oh ALSO we watched The Terror while we were in France and I LOST MY MIND

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According to every podcast I've ever listened to, you cannot care for a beard without a subscription box, it is the new law

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also i had my first CANELLE when I was in France and....I love CANELLE

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i am now 9 days post-top surgery, and it is Officially Warm in New York now, so i am indulging in my favorite alternative to having a/c: reading ghost stories and willfully misinterpreting my goosebumps

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

guys danny just scammed norwegian airlines out of a cup of tea, it was masterful

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is anyone else reading Underland rn? I saw the description and I immediately pre-ordered

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

After a time as a processing archivist only, I’m now working in reference again, and I’m surprised by the recognition that reference is a performance and one I’m gonna do slightly differently post-transition. My Helpful Young Lady reference persona needs to become a Nice Young Man reference persona! PS I am not young per se

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

Whoo, welcome back! I let my beard grow wild and unkempt half because of laziness and half because of thinking "this is it. This is the time that I finally grow out the beard and care for it." (Like so many houseplants have discovered, it is never the time to properly care for the growing thing.) But! Once I was talked at by a competitive beard grower who tried to convince me that I could have a great beard if only I would butter and oil it twice a day like a rustic Italian entree. So, if you really want to get into it, there are options, but they are unknown to me.

My only real tips are to

A.) get one of those two bladed Wahl or similarly branded shavers. I've always shaved with a razor for the past decade and it's been fine, but as soon as I shaved with an actual powered shaving implement, my beard hairs grew back thicker, darker, and fuller. I actually don't hate it now!

B.) Go experience both a good and bad chair shave, if you haven't already. Putting your face in a stranger's hands while the face knife dances around you is one of the most refreshing feelings a man can possibly feel. Extra points if they soak the hot towel in mint oil and massage. The best!

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

although this is conjecture, i think that growing a beard is like adopting a puppy. you might think you know what you're in for (and other friends of yours have done the same!) but in the end it's a personalized experience. best of luck

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

I know zero about beard maintenance, but I will say - as someone starting to explore my probably-non-binary-ness and trying to move past hoping that I turn out to be the least amount of trans possible, I super appreciate everything that you two are putting out into the world (and will refer to this thread for tips if my future self ever happens to grow a beard)!

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

Danny I’ve been on T for about a year and a half and my facial hair is At Least 6 varying levels of foliage coverage across my head, will we ever know peace

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I have homework to do that isn’t even onerous but I’d rather be working on my trans wizard fiction so instead of doing either I am here. So far so good!

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we didn't fall asleep but we DID go through a patch of sky with no internet!!!

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

Congrats on resolving your green card problems! I’m actually coming to SF for the first time today, I’m so excited! It’s for work tho, but still!

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

Beard oils occupy the same space in my mind as those scotch stones you freeze so you don’t get any watery ice in your Lagavulin. Also, the application of oils and unguents in places I frequently put my hand is worse than any benefit. A good trimmer or even just a pair of little scissors do this beard just fine.

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I'm so happy for you and your new beard! I've been with a beard-haver for many years now (brief breaks around the births of our children as he felt for some reason that new dads should be clean shaven?) but my favorite part is still the stubbly phase, so brief and rare in my experience, usually as a moment of transitional beard care between seasons. Beard oil is good and a nice gift for the loved ones of beard-havers to keep in mind, but the marketing around it, trying to find a brand that doesn't have, like, figurative truck-nuts stapled to the outside of the bottle, is really a slog through toxic masculinity swamp.

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I love coming home from traveling. Except that it's exhausting and unpacking is such a chore and going back to work is so hard. I guess actually Most of it sucks, but I love it anyways because I feel accomplished and worldly, and suddenly love my bed and dirty sheets again.

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This has nothing to do with beards, but I would just like to report that my partner and I are plant moms and let me tell you. Starting plants from seed is hard. We've also decided that hir orchid always looks like it's in a mild panic and therefore have named it Sam (after either Samwise Gamgee or Samwell Tarly, both of whom are very anxious beans).

Funny thing: I'm the herbalist and xe's the one who fusses and talks to the plants on a daily basis.

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i’m delighted for your return and your beard! when i was a child (and really this should have been an early sign that Something was Up vis a vis gender) i wanted nothing more than a beard, i spent a lot of time stroking my ‘theoretical beard’, which is what i called it, feeling very thoughtful and dumbledore-adjacent. this is nothing useful on beard maintenance but please know that i’m so excited for all your future beard stroking prospects

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Jun 6, 2019Liked by Daniel Lavery

a high school teacher of mine had a very nice beard and swore by weekly washes with head and shoulders-- dandruff can strike anywhere!

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okay we're going to tap out but feel free to chat amongst yourselves as long as you like! In the future I'll try to have more prompts beyond just facial hair and grooming, so everyone has something to talk about. See you next week!!!

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Bonsoir. Speaking as the lover of a very be-bearded man, I have a few thoughts to share, all based on the dire fact that if it's late in the evening or he hasn't taken a shower in a day or so, the beard just smells . . . musky? It's nasty. It makes me want to die. HE would die of shame if he saw I wrote this. But here are my further thoughts, solicited as they are:

As a beard-adjacent bebearded-man lover, having read and forwarded many articles about beard bacteria, and I would advise washing and conditioning it regularly. One of my extremely kempt be-bearded friends—who is in a loving marriage with another bebearded man and knows the importance of beard-maintainance—uses a wonderful smelling beard oil that I bought for my boyfriend immediately (Devotion by Art of Shaving - patchouli heavy, if that's your thing, which it is mine). He doesn't ever remember to use it. If I grew a beard, I'd be massaging it regularly with luxurious beard oils. If I grew a beard, maybe my bf would finally appreciate the importance of beard maintenance. I expect that you will however have much higher beard-maintenance aptitude than my partner, given the fact that in the brief amount of time you've been growing facial hair, you've already expressed 4000% times more interest in maintaining it than my bebearded lover who has spent 15 years cultivating his fuzzy face. I salute you and envy Grace.

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By the way, we're currently somewhere over Iceland, so our connection is a little spotty - we may drop in and out of the chat.

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so here in Boston all we're talking about is the news that there will probably be a straight pride parade at the end of August... the memes are good but the whole idea that it could actually happen kind of makes me ill. I just hope it's like the last time someone tried to hold a white nationalist rally here and no one showed up except to protest.

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I have a very patchy beard, so the key to making it look ok for me is to pick a "beardstyle" that works with what I have, and discard the patchiest and most disagreeable parts. Also, giving it a run-through with the fine teeth of a pocket comb works wonders for making me look like a grown-up (same for sideburns).

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this sounds like an excellent excuse for a fancy consultation at a high end barber tbh

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Have you ever watched 'Roman Holiday'? The one with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck?

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Honest Amish beard balm is cheap, uses good ingredients, and keeps my beard in pretty good shape. I also condition it when I'm in the shower.

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Daniel! Entirely unrelated to any of this, I listened to the Dear Prudence podcast today and you were trying to figure out what movie had some quote about something something slipping through fingers and it's Star Wars! Princess Leia is all "The more you tighten your grip the more star systems will slip through your fingers." But, in fairness, also just about every other movie in the world too.

But I yelled STAR WARS in my quiet office. And now I'm getting many strange(er) looks.

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Have you yet seen/are invested in the Jeopardy Discourse from the last couple days, there’s a UChicago librarian kicking ass

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Today at work I finally have to do all the tedious and boring tasks I've been putting off for the last two weeks and I'm so annoyed with my past self for not just dealing with them in the moment.

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There are people you can pay to handle beard care! I think it's best to outsource to a professional.

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You need a good beard oil, and probably someone to cut it. I do my own neckline and it's always at a terrible angle.

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Happy you're coming back! I know nothing about beard care (when I had mutton chops they were not great) but a godsend if you have trouble shaving in general is styptic pencils, which I didn't know about until recently.

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I have to say, my fiancee is transmasc and they are v jealous of your beard situation. (I know nothing about beard maintenance)

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You should definitely write a novel.

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Today I'm working at my behemoth employer's new downtown Denver space, which is consciously built to ape the silicon valley ideal. Open floor plans, modular desktops, a central kitchen and lounge, floor to ceiling windows. The chairs are very nice. You can write on the table surfaces.

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dears! glad you’re on your way back. as to beard maintenance, i can say that john’s regimen involves a regular trim with my good tweezerman scissors and “honest amish beard balm”

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the dressed podcast just did an episode on the history of facial hair and all the different social meanings behind beard and mustache styles! in case you need inspiration

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You might consider a beard trimmer of some sort; I despise blade shaving and have used electric shavers for years

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I have some homework to do but I would rather be working on my trans wizard fiction so instead of doing either I am here. So far so good!

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this works on my girlfriend's head but it claims to work for beards too: https://thecutbuddy.com/

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Oil, a brush and a comb

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