We’re finally on a flight home from France because Grace’s green card troubles have come to an end at last! But my problems are just beginning, because I don’t know how to tend to a beard now that I have one. What does beard maintenance look like?? Come join us for the next hour-ish, assuming I don’t fall asleep.
btw both Grace and I were pretty pleasantly surprised by how chill our experience as trans people in France was (even the 'street engagement' generally meant that like, once or twice a week a man told Grace she looked pretty like Lady Gaga, which is pretty nice) although my favorite moment came at passport control today when she looked at my passport, then at me, then said with a French accent: "So - I am sorry - you started as a woman, and now...?"
"The entire committee of Edinburgh University's LGBT+ Staff Pride Network has resigned after being told by the University not to speak out about an 'anti-trans' event that took place on campus yesterday (5 June).
The event - called 'Women's Sex-Based Rights' was organised by Dr Gale Macleod and featured feminist writer Julie Bindel, who has been outspoken about trans issues in her past writing."
damn. I'm an edinburgh student & this is not the first anti-trans event/campaign at uni campus. sisters uncut edinburgh did a great sticker campaign covering up the previous shit. good to know thank you, time to get my head out of my ass and start organising
I'm so sorry to hear that! Is Edinburgh one of the sort of hotspots for anti-trans UK stuff? My read on it from way over here is that it is, but I'm not sure if some of that's overblown
my only other reference point is London, so... no idea! but there've been a couple of anti-trans (and particularly anti-trans-women) sticker & poster waves on the george square campus & surrounds in the last two years, which I haven't seen for any other issue, and there's a few scotland-specific 'Family First' & 'Real Women' groups that seem to have a presence. I'm not visibly trans & only go to the library & zine events so I only encounter material stuff!
Lighter note: found out recently my flatmate's been nicking one of the bathroom signs out of one of the lecture theatres and replacing it w a gender neutral toilet sign for a while now.
one time I tried to ask for a cup of milk on a flight because that's just who I am as a person and was told, essentially, why would that be a thing you can ask for on a plane, so I sheepishly changed my order to a cup of tea and I will never for all my life forget the moment when the stewardess responded, "with cream." it wasn't even a question. she knew.
!! isn't it fantastic?? (once you are recovered, & if you would like to be sad again, would rec as I have been recced the new Chernobyl series: another historical disaster in prestige drama form, has several of the same actors giving different great performances, am informed hits some similar emotions in a similar devastating + meticulously planned manner.)
the only downside of the slate plus membership is missing these ads, i no longer have an aspirational list of subscription boxes and teas in my back pocket
This is the finest egg-and-cream-based dessert ever crafted. There is a bakery in Walla Walla, Washington, should you ever find yourself there, that has also mastered this gem of humanity.
i am now 9 days post-top surgery, and it is Officially Warm in New York now, so i am indulging in my favorite alternative to having a/c: reading ghost stories and willfully misinterpreting my goosebumps
so strange! so grateful! i overextended myself yesterday making a miso and mushroom risotto and had to lie down for the rest of the day, but mostly like i'm walking on air?
After a time as a processing archivist only, I’m now working in reference again, and I’m surprised by the recognition that reference is a performance and one I’m gonna do slightly differently post-transition. My Helpful Young Lady reference persona needs to become a Nice Young Man reference persona! PS I am not young per se
Also, I’ve been given a set of keys with those rubber tops on them, and my mnemonic is “red for the vault because archives are hot, blue for the reference room because archives are cool.”
I love that definition! The main difference is that our materials are generally unique (or at least rare). I work at the GLBT Historical Society in San Francisco, where I work with collections ranging from the letters of 1980s trans men, to pulp novels, to drag costumes. It’s true that we pretty much don’t circulate in archives (people have to come to us, or email if they have a simple question). We like to see ourselves as fancy but are actually much more disgusting than librarians; we often deal with mold, dust, and rust, and in order to preserve materials we generally work in cold basements far from the sun.
You make us sound more butch than we are, but I’m into it, yes. (Anecdotally, as an aside, I find that we’re the likeliest librarians to be queer, but it’s a tough contest.)
Oh, yay! Yes, our museum makes TARDIS-like use of its small space — I went there long before I started here (which was, um, Tuesday) and it really got me paying attention.
Whoo, welcome back! I let my beard grow wild and unkempt half because of laziness and half because of thinking "this is it. This is the time that I finally grow out the beard and care for it." (Like so many houseplants have discovered, it is never the time to properly care for the growing thing.) But! Once I was talked at by a competitive beard grower who tried to convince me that I could have a great beard if only I would butter and oil it twice a day like a rustic Italian entree. So, if you really want to get into it, there are options, but they are unknown to me.
My only real tips are to
A.) get one of those two bladed Wahl or similarly branded shavers. I've always shaved with a razor for the past decade and it's been fine, but as soon as I shaved with an actual powered shaving implement, my beard hairs grew back thicker, darker, and fuller. I actually don't hate it now!
B.) Go experience both a good and bad chair shave, if you haven't already. Putting your face in a stranger's hands while the face knife dances around you is one of the most refreshing feelings a man can possibly feel. Extra points if they soak the hot towel in mint oil and massage. The best!
Oh, fear not. She'll come back and she'll come back /angry/. And also you'll get to show off your tiny face cuts for like three days. But by all means, aim for a good one. The first time I had a good straight razor shave was like face Christmas. Like, I can't overstate what a uniquely just... nice feeling it is. There's no other sensation quite like it.
1) I whole heartedly recommend a Wahl shaver (or a similar brand--I've only every used Wahl because it's worked for me, but I know other people who've have great experiences with other shavers). Having an electric clipper where you have adjustable lengths to even out spots where it grows shorter or longer makes things so much easier.
2) Also be ready to accept that patchiness may always exist. In the 44th year of my (cis) life, I thought, "Hey, maybe this summer I will try to grow a full beard instead of a goatee and see what happens." I go a month without shaving, as soon as finals are over in June.
Lunch with my friend K in late July, I tell her I'm going for the beard and that I don't think it will work. She looks at me, sizes me up, and says, "Give it a month and see what happens." Me: "It's been six weeks." Her: "Oh." Some of us shall have patchy-face forever.
although this is conjecture, i think that growing a beard is like adopting a puppy. you might think you know what you're in for (and other friends of yours have done the same!) but in the end it's a personalized experience. best of luck
it's just wholly unlike any hair-growing scenario I've ever encountered before! It doesn't grow like the hair on my head, it's way curlier. It's patchy in a few spots but way long in others and I'm not really sure how to trim it? But also I love it like a stray mutt with mange in a Dickens novel!!!
I mean, if you look at the faces of NHL hockey players during playoff seasons, you will see a wide range of beard growth patterns. I think every beard is different yet lovable. (I have decidedly different feelings on mustaches, possibly because my dad had one.)
in that same vein, im at that point with my now-growing-out-hair. when did everyone learn how to take care of their luscious locks? why wasn't i in school that day?
Ugh, I'm dealing with this too. I've made some progress, or I thought I did, but now that it's summer my curly hair is just so much frizz I can't deal with it
I was just recommended DevaCurl at a hair store! i wanted to pass because of the PRICE but my partner wanted to try it out. glad to hear a testimonial before my first test!
I know zero about beard maintenance, but I will say - as someone starting to explore my probably-non-binary-ness and trying to move past hoping that I turn out to be the least amount of trans possible, I super appreciate everything that you two are putting out into the world (and will refer to this thread for tips if my future self ever happens to grow a beard)!
Hey I know that feeling very well! It can be really hard to deal with that voice in your head that's trying to turn transition into a metric and asking for the smallest amount possible. I hope you can find other ways to think about/relate to it, too.
Danny I’ve been on T for about a year and a half and my facial hair is At Least 6 varying levels of foliage coverage across my head, will we ever know peace
it's so exhausting!!! like, i'm obviously so grateful for T in so many ways, but I also just really want to know when I'll be exiting MASSIVE PUBERTY and get some semblance of consistency
I recently/accidentally re-read the bit in Female Chauvinist Pigs that perfectly articulates my greatest fear about my appearance and it's been a struggle to get it out of my head!!!
I have homework to do that isn’t even onerous but I’d rather be working on my trans wizard fiction so instead of doing either I am here. So far so good!
First of all this is my favorite comment reply ever and I went back to my homework and missed it. If you're still around, here goes!
It is a collaboration that was gonna be a roleplaying game about wizard college but the ideas got so far ahead of there being an actual game that now we’re just writing it. My wizard is an over-the-top florid Oscar Wilde fainting couch guy who makes steam-powered animal robots and dyes his hair blue hair cause of a video game series he is obsessed with. My close friend/genderfeels bro has a scruffy vampire who eats rocks, blushes rainbow colors, plays bass and writes influential fan fiction. We have jam packed them with all our most embarrassing and beloved personal interests and they go to wizard college and they make me ludicrously happy. My partner is a three-headed dog who lost what she was guarding and has enrolled in wizard college to get her magic back. We’ve also filled out/started playing a lot of the cool wizards in their lives. They all validate the shit out of each other and also we made them play wizard D&D together just to really ice this whole cake of tribute to our friendship.
Thank you so much for asking; this was born like a month ago and quickly took over most of my waking thoughts.
I know of some other books with a teenage trans girl wizard, if you would like more trans wizardry in your life. They're weird books that are full of queer folks and magic powered by emotion and lots of found family.
i too am here instead of doing some crushing linguistics reading when all i really want to do is read the latest book, silence by shusaku endo, in my obsession w books abt dying priests so.. procrastination solidarity
how does sky internet even work? I've had such terrible luck with wifi on planes, and I could swear I've seen people using their cell service (because I am nosy enough to look for LTE symbols on my seatmates' phones). IS IT ALL A SCAM
I mean, I'm only somewhat convinced that flying isn't just staying still in an aircraft hanger while they change the scenery around you. I have no idea how you can just throw a tin box into the sky and it lands to within inches of where you wanted it to. I mean, come on.
story time: I once briefly dated a flat-earther who I just could not convince the earth was round. he had never been on a plane, and apparently my experience wasn't enough to convince him. I imagine if he ever did get on a plane, he'd add your delightfully whimsical scenario to his Large Conspiracy Theory about the shape of the world.
I mean, in addition to the earth being flat, there were also lizard people living underneath the surface and controlling all the major world governments. I wish people would lead with their insanity rather than waiting until you're living together and trying to have normal conversations with mutual friends to let loose with their wild theories.
wow, I have had this experience. the last person I dated before Danny was a flat earther who believed I was a member of the Illuminati. it got interesting.
i watched that flat earth documentary and almost every person interviewed openly said that flat earth was the last conspiracy theory on the shelf and they accepted everything else before landing there
I used to know someone who said his Rural American Step-Dad was genuinely convinced that airplane's don't actually fly, they just show you movies on the windows as they drive you to where you're going. Apparently the fact that this friend lived in Australia and could Skype his family in real time from a completely different season/time of day wasn't valid proof that.... distance is real? Idk, that guy sounded wild.
I do not know, and BIG alas-- my friend who recounted this passed away before I had a chance to meet him more than a couple times, so we never will know :/
airplane wifi has two options: cell towers (big antenna in the plane connects you air-to-ground) or like via satellite connection (like TV). different airlines use different things and it should be free!
Beard oils occupy the same space in my mind as those scotch stones you freeze so you don’t get any watery ice in your Lagavulin. Also, the application of oils and unguents in places I frequently put my hand is worse than any benefit. A good trimmer or even just a pair of little scissors do this beard just fine.
I'm so happy for you and your new beard! I've been with a beard-haver for many years now (brief breaks around the births of our children as he felt for some reason that new dads should be clean shaven?) but my favorite part is still the stubbly phase, so brief and rare in my experience, usually as a moment of transitional beard care between seasons. Beard oil is good and a nice gift for the loved ones of beard-havers to keep in mind, but the marketing around it, trying to find a brand that doesn't have, like, figurative truck-nuts stapled to the outside of the bottle, is really a slog through toxic masculinity swamp.
Beard oil finds its way onto the heads of new babies, in my experience, leaving them oddly greasy. It then transfers from the furry head of the baby onto other adult chins, hairy ones or not, so really I think your beard-haver was onto something.
I love coming home from traveling. Except that it's exhausting and unpacking is such a chore and going back to work is so hard. I guess actually Most of it sucks, but I love it anyways because I feel accomplished and worldly, and suddenly love my bed and dirty sheets again.
This has nothing to do with beards, but I would just like to report that my partner and I are plant moms and let me tell you. Starting plants from seed is hard. We've also decided that hir orchid always looks like it's in a mild panic and therefore have named it Sam (after either Samwise Gamgee or Samwell Tarly, both of whom are very anxious beans).
Funny thing: I'm the herbalist and xe's the one who fusses and talks to the plants on a daily basis.
i started some wildflowers from seeds in pots on my deck and i followed NONE of the instructions and used FAR too many seeds and the plants are all wilting in their desperate quest for dominance
It's wild! We also thought that the basil we planted was dead, but turns out the seeds were just buried too far down? When my partner went to empty it in the trash xe found sprouts at the bottom of the pot that grew tired of their quest for air.
i’m delighted for your return and your beard! when i was a child (and really this should have been an early sign that Something was Up vis a vis gender) i wanted nothing more than a beard, i spent a lot of time stroking my ‘theoretical beard’, which is what i called it, feeling very thoughtful and dumbledore-adjacent. this is nothing useful on beard maintenance but please know that i’m so excited for all your future beard stroking prospects
okay we're going to tap out but feel free to chat amongst yourselves as long as you like! In the future I'll try to have more prompts beyond just facial hair and grooming, so everyone has something to talk about. See you next week!!!
Bonsoir. Speaking as the lover of a very be-bearded man, I have a few thoughts to share, all based on the dire fact that if it's late in the evening or he hasn't taken a shower in a day or so, the beard just smells . . . musky? It's nasty. It makes me want to die. HE would die of shame if he saw I wrote this. But here are my further thoughts, solicited as they are:
As a beard-adjacent bebearded-man lover, having read and forwarded many articles about beard bacteria, and I would advise washing and conditioning it regularly. One of my extremely kempt be-bearded friends—who is in a loving marriage with another bebearded man and knows the importance of beard-maintainance—uses a wonderful smelling beard oil that I bought for my boyfriend immediately (Devotion by Art of Shaving - patchouli heavy, if that's your thing, which it is mine). He doesn't ever remember to use it. If I grew a beard, I'd be massaging it regularly with luxurious beard oils. If I grew a beard, maybe my bf would finally appreciate the importance of beard maintenance. I expect that you will however have much higher beard-maintenance aptitude than my partner, given the fact that in the brief amount of time you've been growing facial hair, you've already expressed 4000% times more interest in maintaining it than my bebearded lover who has spent 15 years cultivating his fuzzy face. I salute you and envy Grace.
I mean, I have even offered him the use of my expensive curly-haired person shampoo and conditioner. WHAT A PRIZE. I have never offered this to any other lover or friend.
so here in Boston all we're talking about is the news that there will probably be a straight pride parade at the end of August... the memes are good but the whole idea that it could actually happen kind of makes me ill. I just hope it's like the last time someone tried to hold a white nationalist rally here and no one showed up except to protest.
at least they've bizarrely chosen boston's moving day, many automatic points against them. but yeah: i do feel hopeful that only protestors will show up.
I have a very patchy beard, so the key to making it look ok for me is to pick a "beardstyle" that works with what I have, and discard the patchiest and most disagreeable parts. Also, giving it a run-through with the fine teeth of a pocket comb works wonders for making me look like a grown-up (same for sideburns).
Mutton chops are an excellent style to try on! They're a goatee's best pal, it makes it look like the lack of beard between chops and chin is on purpose.
I am generally not a Hepburn fan, and I'm pretty Peck-indifferent too, come to think of it! So it's never made it onto my to-be-watched list. I'm sure it is charming!
It's a story about a princess running away from home because she's tired of being a princess and the first things she does is wear a man's clothes, change heels for sandals, and cut her hair to short -
Also you see Gregory Peck getting more interested as it goes, from 'random lady with nowhere to sleep' - welp, should get her a taxi home ... to 'short haired person wearing his clothes, hug and kiss and make plans for a future together'.
It's designed to stress you out - they both scream really loudly!
I noticed in my recent viewing that Audrey Hepburn keeps her hands behind her, very clearly and intentionally signalling 'I am lying, my entire self is a lie'
Daniel! Entirely unrelated to any of this, I listened to the Dear Prudence podcast today and you were trying to figure out what movie had some quote about something something slipping through fingers and it's Star Wars! Princess Leia is all "The more you tighten your grip the more star systems will slip through your fingers." But, in fairness, also just about every other movie in the world too.
But I yelled STAR WARS in my quiet office. And now I'm getting many strange(er) looks.
Well, based on your podcasts, you have, most of both the Old and New Testaments and Jane Austen, and no small amount of Emily Bronte, up in your head all the time. That's a lot to keep track of. I just have Star Wars, and, like, two power ballads from 1983. Way easier.
Yeah Emma Boettcher beat him on Monday, 32 games and about $55k shy of Ken’s regular season money record. She played a flawless game, went all in on the first DD in DJ and nailed the second DJ DD also. Twitter is ABLAZE though convinced that James “threw the game” bc he bet low in Final hoping she’d miss (she didn’t)
Today at work I finally have to do all the tedious and boring tasks I've been putting off for the last two weeks and I'm so annoyed with my past self for not just dealing with them in the moment.
I use a brush and safety razor because I shave it infrequently enough that cartridges rust and are just too much money for such little area.
I find that there's an inch and a half from the bottom of my beard which when it gets at all long is unbearably itchy. So it gets cut. (Originally it was just below that one mole on my neck which I grew a beard because I didn't want to shave it and now it's just above)
I use the Phillips OneBlade to both shave my neck and edge my beard and just kinda...eyeball it? Not sure that "consistent" is the best descriptor, tbh.
Happy you're coming back! I know nothing about beard care (when I had mutton chops they were not great) but a godsend if you have trouble shaving in general is styptic pencils, which I didn't know about until recently.
It's a tricky thing! The beard makes all the difference in terms of getting gendered male, and in a lot of ways I love the way it looks, but I also sometimes feel a really jarring sense of ??? when I feel like my face and my beard don't "match." It can feel kind of fraught!
Today I'm working at my behemoth employer's new downtown Denver space, which is consciously built to ape the silicon valley ideal. Open floor plans, modular desktops, a central kitchen and lounge, floor to ceiling windows. The chairs are very nice. You can write on the table surfaces.
dears! glad you’re on your way back. as to beard maintenance, i can say that john’s regimen involves a regular trim with my good tweezerman scissors and “honest amish beard balm”
the dressed podcast just did an episode on the history of facial hair and all the different social meanings behind beard and mustache styles! in case you need inspiration
by the way I am TENTATIVELY starting to think about what I want my fourth book to be about and I think I might try a whack at a NOVEL
now that i'm basically an expatriate....an author "based in" California but whose true home is Paris...international lifestyle baby...jet set
Hello yes that would be amazing
I've seen you whacking at plenty of novels hehe
you're the only one who stabbed a book in this relationship
SLASHED a book, jeez, sometimes I think you just don't understand my argument about the difference between penetrative and slashing swords at all
This is an important distinction!
it's literally the whole point of my book, tbh. if you already intuit the distinction you do not need to read it.
I have played D&D for many years, they're totally different damage types! I will probably read your book anyway.
Way to cost yourself a book sale
A friend wrote an excellent piece on defining stabbing! https://medium.com/@simoncarryer/a-stab-in-the-dark-8861a6bbab4b
Write a novel! Have the unique problems of the novelist! I strongly encourage this!
If you wrote a novel, it would be the greatest exploration of weirdness since Gene Wolfe finished the Long Sun cantos. I'm fully on board.
ah fuck
btw both Grace and I were pretty pleasantly surprised by how chill our experience as trans people in France was (even the 'street engagement' generally meant that like, once or twice a week a man told Grace she looked pretty like Lady Gaga, which is pretty nice) although my favorite moment came at passport control today when she looked at my passport, then at me, then said with a French accent: "So - I am sorry - you started as a woman, and now...?"
and now we're here.
Did you hear about this??
"The entire committee of Edinburgh University's LGBT+ Staff Pride Network has resigned after being told by the University not to speak out about an 'anti-trans' event that took place on campus yesterday (5 June).
The event - called 'Women's Sex-Based Rights' was organised by Dr Gale Macleod and featured feminist writer Julie Bindel, who has been outspoken about trans issues in her past writing."
https://www.edinburghlive.co.uk/news/edinburgh-news/entire-edinburgh-university-lgbt-committee-16389812
damn. I'm an edinburgh student & this is not the first anti-trans event/campaign at uni campus. sisters uncut edinburgh did a great sticker campaign covering up the previous shit. good to know thank you, time to get my head out of my ass and start organising
I'm so sorry to hear that! Is Edinburgh one of the sort of hotspots for anti-trans UK stuff? My read on it from way over here is that it is, but I'm not sure if some of that's overblown
my only other reference point is London, so... no idea! but there've been a couple of anti-trans (and particularly anti-trans-women) sticker & poster waves on the george square campus & surrounds in the last two years, which I haven't seen for any other issue, and there's a few scotland-specific 'Family First' & 'Real Women' groups that seem to have a presence. I'm not visibly trans & only go to the library & zine events so I only encounter material stuff!
Lighter note: found out recently my flatmate's been nicking one of the bathroom signs out of one of the lecture theatres and replacing it w a gender neutral toilet sign for a while now.
whoa! Good on them for standing against Bindels bullshit
And the US conservatives are trying to import the UK terf bullshit here.
Ugh not HER again. Bindel is dreadful
we're on a carrier that upcharges you for EVERYTHING but we are getting our own back by getting TWO of the smallest cups of tea in the world,,,a SCAM
one time I tried to ask for a cup of milk on a flight because that's just who I am as a person and was told, essentially, why would that be a thing you can ask for on a plane, so I sheepishly changed my order to a cup of tea and I will never for all my life forget the moment when the stewardess responded, "with cream." it wasn't even a question. she knew.
oh ALSO we watched The Terror while we were in France and I LOST MY MIND
!! isn't it fantastic?? (once you are recovered, & if you would like to be sad again, would rec as I have been recced the new Chernobyl series: another historical disaster in prestige drama form, has several of the same actors giving different great performances, am informed hits some similar emotions in a similar devastating + meticulously planned manner.)
I keep watching my lonely boyfriend Jared Harris suffer and yet I never do anything to help him
I mean you’re not helping. Why is that, Daniel?
According to every podcast I've ever listened to, you cannot care for a beard without a subscription box, it is the new law
not MY podcast, i only ever advertise modcloth and meal delivery kits...the beard guys won't touch me for some reason
Intimidated by your innate skills I'm sure
the only downside of the slate plus membership is missing these ads, i no longer have an aspirational list of subscription boxes and teas in my back pocket
also i had my first CANELLE when I was in France and....I love CANELLE
mais daniel...c'est "canelé"
but CANELLE is how i have to SAY it
no it isn't
the good news is that this is a mistake everyone makes with this particular dessert, for some reason. perhaps we are all just thinking of cinnamon
i can imagine a posh american restaurant serving "cannelle" and it's just the cinnamon challenge for rich people
This is the finest egg-and-cream-based dessert ever crafted. There is a bakery in Walla Walla, Washington, should you ever find yourself there, that has also mastered this gem of humanity.
i am now 9 days post-top surgery, and it is Officially Warm in New York now, so i am indulging in my favorite alternative to having a/c: reading ghost stories and willfully misinterpreting my goosebumps
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
how are you feeling?
so strange! so grateful! i overextended myself yesterday making a miso and mushroom risotto and had to lie down for the rest of the day, but mostly like i'm walking on air?
I'm happy for you Robin! :D
guys danny just scammed norwegian airlines out of a cup of tea, it was masterful
a SIP of tea
is anyone else reading Underland rn? I saw the description and I immediately pre-ordered
IT'S ABOUT CAVEEESS
i Also frantically preordered it on the back of the promise of burial chambers and Glaciers which is a sexy spooky combo if ever i saw one
After a time as a processing archivist only, I’m now working in reference again, and I’m surprised by the recognition that reference is a performance and one I’m gonna do slightly differently post-transition. My Helpful Young Lady reference persona needs to become a Nice Young Man reference persona! PS I am not young per se
tell that to your face lmao
True, it’s small and smooth, like a smiling river rock
Also, I’ve been given a set of keys with those rubber tops on them, and my mnemonic is “red for the vault because archives are hot, blue for the reference room because archives are cool.”
I think of archivist as the profession of an extra fancy librarian who doesn't necessarily lend his charges. Is this remotely close to the mark?
I love that definition! The main difference is that our materials are generally unique (or at least rare). I work at the GLBT Historical Society in San Francisco, where I work with collections ranging from the letters of 1980s trans men, to pulp novels, to drag costumes. It’s true that we pretty much don’t circulate in archives (people have to come to us, or email if they have a simple question). We like to see ourselves as fancy but are actually much more disgusting than librarians; we often deal with mold, dust, and rust, and in order to preserve materials we generally work in cold basements far from the sun.
can we put an an after-hours four-man performance of the Lou Sullivan papers
I’m sorry, but barbershop quartets are only allowed during regular reference hours.
I love Sullivan so much; he’s brilliant and vulnerable and endearing. If he’d lived to see the Internet, he’d be Extremely Online today.
So your like fancy and fair Bob Vila librarians? This is sounding more marvelous by the moment.
You make us sound more butch than we are, but I’m into it, yes. (Anecdotally, as an aside, I find that we’re the likeliest librarians to be queer, but it’s a tough contest.)
How cool! I recently (finally) made it over to the GLBT museum and there was so much amazing stuff there-I was very impressed.
Oh, yay! Yes, our museum makes TARDIS-like use of its small space — I went there long before I started here (which was, um, Tuesday) and it really got me paying attention.
The museum was a highlight of my last SF visit for sure
Fancy is a strong word!
Oh absolutely. I have such a crush on librarians. I think they are all fancy.
Congrats on your Lambda, Isaac! We got your book at WisCon!
Thank you!!!! I didn’t go to the ceremony, and I can’t wait for it to come in the mail so I can parade it around!
Whoo, welcome back! I let my beard grow wild and unkempt half because of laziness and half because of thinking "this is it. This is the time that I finally grow out the beard and care for it." (Like so many houseplants have discovered, it is never the time to properly care for the growing thing.) But! Once I was talked at by a competitive beard grower who tried to convince me that I could have a great beard if only I would butter and oil it twice a day like a rustic Italian entree. So, if you really want to get into it, there are options, but they are unknown to me.
My only real tips are to
A.) get one of those two bladed Wahl or similarly branded shavers. I've always shaved with a razor for the past decade and it's been fine, but as soon as I shaved with an actual powered shaving implement, my beard hairs grew back thicker, darker, and fuller. I actually don't hate it now!
B.) Go experience both a good and bad chair shave, if you haven't already. Putting your face in a stranger's hands while the face knife dances around you is one of the most refreshing feelings a man can possibly feel. Extra points if they soak the hot towel in mint oil and massage. The best!
"like a rustic Italian entree", this is my favorite part of this story. its all a great story, but this is my favorite part
wait can i skip getting a bad one because my beard is fragile and new and i don't want to lose her
Oh, fear not. She'll come back and she'll come back /angry/. And also you'll get to show off your tiny face cuts for like three days. But by all means, aim for a good one. The first time I had a good straight razor shave was like face Christmas. Like, I can't overstate what a uniquely just... nice feeling it is. There's no other sensation quite like it.
My two cents:
1) I whole heartedly recommend a Wahl shaver (or a similar brand--I've only every used Wahl because it's worked for me, but I know other people who've have great experiences with other shavers). Having an electric clipper where you have adjustable lengths to even out spots where it grows shorter or longer makes things so much easier.
2) Also be ready to accept that patchiness may always exist. In the 44th year of my (cis) life, I thought, "Hey, maybe this summer I will try to grow a full beard instead of a goatee and see what happens." I go a month without shaving, as soon as finals are over in June.
Lunch with my friend K in late July, I tell her I'm going for the beard and that I don't think it will work. She looks at me, sizes me up, and says, "Give it a month and see what happens." Me: "It's been six weeks." Her: "Oh." Some of us shall have patchy-face forever.
although this is conjecture, i think that growing a beard is like adopting a puppy. you might think you know what you're in for (and other friends of yours have done the same!) but in the end it's a personalized experience. best of luck
it's just wholly unlike any hair-growing scenario I've ever encountered before! It doesn't grow like the hair on my head, it's way curlier. It's patchy in a few spots but way long in others and I'm not really sure how to trim it? But also I love it like a stray mutt with mange in a Dickens novel!!!
perhaps what you are learning then, is not how to maintain your beard but rather how to love and appreciate it. thus, you are well on your way
I mean, if you look at the faces of NHL hockey players during playoff seasons, you will see a wide range of beard growth patterns. I think every beard is different yet lovable. (I have decidedly different feelings on mustaches, possibly because my dad had one.)
in that same vein, im at that point with my now-growing-out-hair. when did everyone learn how to take care of their luscious locks? why wasn't i in school that day?
Honestly the only way to survived the growing out phase is to get it cut often. A pro can shape all that fluff for minimal fuss
ughhh I hate this excellent advice that i agree with in theory but am too lazy for in practice!!!! why must my body need any maintenance!
Maybe this is the time in your life to get really into wigs.
Ugh, I'm dealing with this too. I've made some progress, or I thought I did, but now that it's summer my curly hair is just so much frizz I can't deal with it
nooooo summertime why would you betray us like this!
I live by DevaCurl products!
I was just recommended DevaCurl at a hair store! i wanted to pass because of the PRICE but my partner wanted to try it out. glad to hear a testimonial before my first test!
my sister swears by them!
I get the big bottles of No Poo and One Condition and they last forever (my hair is not that long.)
I know zero about beard maintenance, but I will say - as someone starting to explore my probably-non-binary-ness and trying to move past hoping that I turn out to be the least amount of trans possible, I super appreciate everything that you two are putting out into the world (and will refer to this thread for tips if my future self ever happens to grow a beard)!
Hey I know that feeling very well! It can be really hard to deal with that voice in your head that's trying to turn transition into a metric and asking for the smallest amount possible. I hope you can find other ways to think about/relate to it, too.
Seconding!
Danny I’ve been on T for about a year and a half and my facial hair is At Least 6 varying levels of foliage coverage across my head, will we ever know peace
it's so exhausting!!! like, i'm obviously so grateful for T in so many ways, but I also just really want to know when I'll be exiting MASSIVE PUBERTY and get some semblance of consistency
I love T, and I love complaining about T, and I love clarifying that the two are fully compatible.
^^^ hard agree. I have one trans guy friend who has a massive beard, truly spectacular full face coverage, and I am not a praying man but godDAMN
I recently/accidentally re-read the bit in Female Chauvinist Pigs that perfectly articulates my greatest fear about my appearance and it's been a struggle to get it out of my head!!!
I have homework to do that isn’t even onerous but I’d rather be working on my trans wizard fiction so instead of doing either I am here. So far so good!
tell us more about your trans wizards please
First of all this is my favorite comment reply ever and I went back to my homework and missed it. If you're still around, here goes!
It is a collaboration that was gonna be a roleplaying game about wizard college but the ideas got so far ahead of there being an actual game that now we’re just writing it. My wizard is an over-the-top florid Oscar Wilde fainting couch guy who makes steam-powered animal robots and dyes his hair blue hair cause of a video game series he is obsessed with. My close friend/genderfeels bro has a scruffy vampire who eats rocks, blushes rainbow colors, plays bass and writes influential fan fiction. We have jam packed them with all our most embarrassing and beloved personal interests and they go to wizard college and they make me ludicrously happy. My partner is a three-headed dog who lost what she was guarding and has enrolled in wizard college to get her magic back. We’ve also filled out/started playing a lot of the cool wizards in their lives. They all validate the shit out of each other and also we made them play wizard D&D together just to really ice this whole cake of tribute to our friendship.
Thank you so much for asking; this was born like a month ago and quickly took over most of my waking thoughts.
I know of some other books with a teenage trans girl wizard, if you would like more trans wizardry in your life. They're weird books that are full of queer folks and magic powered by emotion and lots of found family.
Oo, title?
There's a trilogy! The first one is called Nameless, they're by Matthew Rossi, and I think the whole trilogy is $10 for Kindle.
i too am here instead of doing some crushing linguistics reading when all i really want to do is read the latest book, silence by shusaku endo, in my obsession w books abt dying priests so.. procrastination solidarity
Yes! this thread appeared at the start of my lunch break and I couldn't be happier :D
we didn't fall asleep but we DID go through a patch of sky with no internet!!!
How dare the SKY have no internet, doesn't it know you're doing something important?
how does sky internet even work? I've had such terrible luck with wifi on planes, and I could swear I've seen people using their cell service (because I am nosy enough to look for LTE symbols on my seatmates' phones). IS IT ALL A SCAM
I mean, I'm only somewhat convinced that flying isn't just staying still in an aircraft hanger while they change the scenery around you. I have no idea how you can just throw a tin box into the sky and it lands to within inches of where you wanted it to. I mean, come on.
story time: I once briefly dated a flat-earther who I just could not convince the earth was round. he had never been on a plane, and apparently my experience wasn't enough to convince him. I imagine if he ever did get on a plane, he'd add your delightfully whimsical scenario to his Large Conspiracy Theory about the shape of the world.
so why'd you two break up
I mean, in addition to the earth being flat, there were also lizard people living underneath the surface and controlling all the major world governments. I wish people would lead with their insanity rather than waiting until you're living together and trying to have normal conversations with mutual friends to let loose with their wild theories.
wow, I have had this experience. the last person I dated before Danny was a flat earther who believed I was a member of the Illuminati. it got interesting.
i watched that flat earth documentary and almost every person interviewed openly said that flat earth was the last conspiracy theory on the shelf and they accepted everything else before landing there
total mystery right? hahaha
I used to know someone who said his Rural American Step-Dad was genuinely convinced that airplane's don't actually fly, they just show you movies on the windows as they drive you to where you're going. Apparently the fact that this friend lived in Australia and could Skype his family in real time from a completely different season/time of day wasn't valid proof that.... distance is real? Idk, that guy sounded wild.
I am paralyzed by this information. Does he know about oceans??
I do not know, and BIG alas-- my friend who recounted this passed away before I had a chance to meet him more than a couple times, so we never will know :/
airplane wifi has two options: cell towers (big antenna in the plane connects you air-to-ground) or like via satellite connection (like TV). different airlines use different things and it should be free!
Congrats on resolving your green card problems! I’m actually coming to SF for the first time today, I’m so excited! It’s for work tho, but still!
Welcome to SF!
Beard oils occupy the same space in my mind as those scotch stones you freeze so you don’t get any watery ice in your Lagavulin. Also, the application of oils and unguents in places I frequently put my hand is worse than any benefit. A good trimmer or even just a pair of little scissors do this beard just fine.
oh you meanlike , gifts you buy for a man you don't care about
It takes me a year or so to get through a bottle. Like four tiny drops on my palms. If I could feel it like that I'd never do it.
Ah, could be I use too much. Good tip
I'm so happy for you and your new beard! I've been with a beard-haver for many years now (brief breaks around the births of our children as he felt for some reason that new dads should be clean shaven?) but my favorite part is still the stubbly phase, so brief and rare in my experience, usually as a moment of transitional beard care between seasons. Beard oil is good and a nice gift for the loved ones of beard-havers to keep in mind, but the marketing around it, trying to find a brand that doesn't have, like, figurative truck-nuts stapled to the outside of the bottle, is really a slog through toxic masculinity swamp.
yeah you gotta have a clean shaven dad at first so you can do a real life pat the bunny "scratchy dad face" moment
Beard oil finds its way onto the heads of new babies, in my experience, leaving them oddly greasy. It then transfers from the furry head of the baby onto other adult chins, hairy ones or not, so really I think your beard-haver was onto something.
I love coming home from traveling. Except that it's exhausting and unpacking is such a chore and going back to work is so hard. I guess actually Most of it sucks, but I love it anyways because I feel accomplished and worldly, and suddenly love my bed and dirty sheets again.
ahhh, yes, MY weird fridge smell! how I've missed you!
I LOVE MY WEIRD FRIDGE SMELL
hahaha for me it's the reminder that my catboxes DO smell, and I just get desensitized to the smell over time
This has nothing to do with beards, but I would just like to report that my partner and I are plant moms and let me tell you. Starting plants from seed is hard. We've also decided that hir orchid always looks like it's in a mild panic and therefore have named it Sam (after either Samwise Gamgee or Samwell Tarly, both of whom are very anxious beans).
Funny thing: I'm the herbalist and xe's the one who fusses and talks to the plants on a daily basis.
i started some wildflowers from seeds in pots on my deck and i followed NONE of the instructions and used FAR too many seeds and the plants are all wilting in their desperate quest for dominance
It's wild! We also thought that the basil we planted was dead, but turns out the seeds were just buried too far down? When my partner went to empty it in the trash xe found sprouts at the bottom of the pot that grew tired of their quest for air.
i’m delighted for your return and your beard! when i was a child (and really this should have been an early sign that Something was Up vis a vis gender) i wanted nothing more than a beard, i spent a lot of time stroking my ‘theoretical beard’, which is what i called it, feeling very thoughtful and dumbledore-adjacent. this is nothing useful on beard maintenance but please know that i’m so excited for all your future beard stroking prospects
a high school teacher of mine had a very nice beard and swore by weekly washes with head and shoulders-- dandruff can strike anywhere!
okay we're going to tap out but feel free to chat amongst yourselves as long as you like! In the future I'll try to have more prompts beyond just facial hair and grooming, so everyone has something to talk about. See you next week!!!
byeeeeeeeeeee xoxo
Bonsoir. Speaking as the lover of a very be-bearded man, I have a few thoughts to share, all based on the dire fact that if it's late in the evening or he hasn't taken a shower in a day or so, the beard just smells . . . musky? It's nasty. It makes me want to die. HE would die of shame if he saw I wrote this. But here are my further thoughts, solicited as they are:
As a beard-adjacent bebearded-man lover, having read and forwarded many articles about beard bacteria, and I would advise washing and conditioning it regularly. One of my extremely kempt be-bearded friends—who is in a loving marriage with another bebearded man and knows the importance of beard-maintainance—uses a wonderful smelling beard oil that I bought for my boyfriend immediately (Devotion by Art of Shaving - patchouli heavy, if that's your thing, which it is mine). He doesn't ever remember to use it. If I grew a beard, I'd be massaging it regularly with luxurious beard oils. If I grew a beard, maybe my bf would finally appreciate the importance of beard maintenance. I expect that you will however have much higher beard-maintenance aptitude than my partner, given the fact that in the brief amount of time you've been growing facial hair, you've already expressed 4000% times more interest in maintaining it than my bebearded lover who has spent 15 years cultivating his fuzzy face. I salute you and envy Grace.
oh honey!!!! That is TERRIFYING. I do not want a musty face!! I will shower all the more regularly. That is super helpful to remember.
I mean, I have even offered him the use of my expensive curly-haired person shampoo and conditioner. WHAT A PRIZE. I have never offered this to any other lover or friend.
Also - Beerdruff is a THING. Beware!
By the way, we're currently somewhere over Iceland, so our connection is a little spotty - we may drop in and out of the chat.
so here in Boston all we're talking about is the news that there will probably be a straight pride parade at the end of August... the memes are good but the whole idea that it could actually happen kind of makes me ill. I just hope it's like the last time someone tried to hold a white nationalist rally here and no one showed up except to protest.
You can call city hall to lodge a complaint! https://twitter.com/todd_milo/status/1136326319782989824
thank you so much for sharing this. I will call and encourage everyone I know to call!
at least they've bizarrely chosen boston's moving day, many automatic points against them. but yeah: i do feel hopeful that only protestors will show up.
i hope they get storrowed
it has enough else in common with white nationalism! sharing your hope from DC ❤️
Including the organizer...
I have a very patchy beard, so the key to making it look ok for me is to pick a "beardstyle" that works with what I have, and discard the patchiest and most disagreeable parts. Also, giving it a run-through with the fine teeth of a pocket comb works wonders for making me look like a grown-up (same for sideburns).
ok if i do that i think i can do mutton chops and then a half an amish chinstrap
Mutton chops are an excellent style to try on! They're a goatee's best pal, it makes it look like the lack of beard between chops and chin is on purpose.
(I have a dead zone there where nothing will ever grow)
My ex had the same dead zone issue. His chops during the Steampunk craze of circa 2010 would have been the pride of the wooliest Wild West
:O WAS THAT REALLY ALMOST TEN YEARS AGO?!
time flies and it uses one of those da vinci screwcopters with lots of Valves to do it in
Sorry to break it to you but I think the both of us have always had teenage drug dealer facial scruff
I really cannot look at either of our faces without remembering eating 7-11 taquitos.
It is true! So tragically true! And I'm not confident that the 7/11 taquitos did not completely lack endocrine-impacting chemicals, either...
It's how the wild 7/11 ensures its front-stoop ecosystem will always be healthily populated.
this sounds like an excellent excuse for a fancy consultation at a high end barber tbh
Have you ever watched 'Roman Holiday'? The one with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck?
I am generally not a Hepburn fan, and I'm pretty Peck-indifferent too, come to think of it! So it's never made it onto my to-be-watched list. I'm sure it is charming!
It's a story about a princess running away from home because she's tired of being a princess and the first things she does is wear a man's clothes, change heels for sandals, and cut her hair to short -
Also you see Gregory Peck getting more interested as it goes, from 'random lady with nowhere to sleep' - welp, should get her a taxi home ... to 'short haired person wearing his clothes, hug and kiss and make plans for a future together'.
you have sold me on this
:D I was hoping to!
I saw it long ago, but somehow forgot this tremendously queer resonance! Oh, geez!
That one scene where he pretends to loose his hand in the mouth of truth(?) really stressed out my young self when I first saw it.
It's designed to stress you out - they both scream really loudly!
I noticed in my recent viewing that Audrey Hepburn keeps her hands behind her, very clearly and intentionally signalling 'I am lying, my entire self is a lie'
Honest Amish beard balm is cheap, uses good ingredients, and keeps my beard in pretty good shape. I also condition it when I'm in the shower.
Daniel! Entirely unrelated to any of this, I listened to the Dear Prudence podcast today and you were trying to figure out what movie had some quote about something something slipping through fingers and it's Star Wars! Princess Leia is all "The more you tighten your grip the more star systems will slip through your fingers." But, in fairness, also just about every other movie in the world too.
But I yelled STAR WARS in my quiet office. And now I'm getting many strange(er) looks.
how could i have forgotten!!
Well, based on your podcasts, you have, most of both the Old and New Testaments and Jane Austen, and no small amount of Emily Bronte, up in your head all the time. That's a lot to keep track of. I just have Star Wars, and, like, two power ballads from 1983. Way easier.
Have you yet seen/are invested in the Jeopardy Discourse from the last couple days, there’s a UChicago librarian kicking ass
Grace was telling me a bit about it! Someone recently unseated the last dude who was close to beating Jenning's record, right?
Yeah Emma Boettcher beat him on Monday, 32 games and about $55k shy of Ken’s regular season money record. She played a flawless game, went all in on the first DD in DJ and nailed the second DJ DD also. Twitter is ABLAZE though convinced that James “threw the game” bc he bet low in Final hoping she’d miss (she didn’t)
i have not seen that part of the blaze; why would he throw the game?
Because how could a DUDE lose to a mousey little librarian chick with a Tegan and Sara haircut? (in my best dudebro voice)
“He has a lot of respect for Ken” “he thought she played a good game” “he wanted to go back home to his kids” pick your varietal of Internet insanity
Today at work I finally have to do all the tedious and boring tasks I've been putting off for the last two weeks and I'm so annoyed with my past self for not just dealing with them in the moment.
put em off another two weeks
There are people you can pay to handle beard care! I think it's best to outsource to a professional.
You need a good beard oil, and probably someone to cut it. I do my own neckline and it's always at a terrible angle.
Yeah, I keep the line higher than most, about a half inch under my jawline, and it's always a little jagged right under the chin.
It's always the exact angle I hold my head at while concentrating.
how do you shave just your neck? how do you find a consistent line to stop at??
I use a brush and safety razor because I shave it infrequently enough that cartridges rust and are just too much money for such little area.
I find that there's an inch and a half from the bottom of my beard which when it gets at all long is unbearably itchy. So it gets cut. (Originally it was just below that one mole on my neck which I grew a beard because I didn't want to shave it and now it's just above)
I use the Phillips OneBlade to both shave my neck and edge my beard and just kinda...eyeball it? Not sure that "consistent" is the best descriptor, tbh.
I use the same for neck-shaving, it's not close but it's the quickest and least-annoying option I've found.
I thought about getting one of those.
I like it! It's a decent enough cut for work, or while on vacation, and it's fast and low-maintenance.
Happy you're coming back! I know nothing about beard care (when I had mutton chops they were not great) but a godsend if you have trouble shaving in general is styptic pencils, which I didn't know about until recently.
for some reason when I read this I imagined pencils for marking the boundaries of the beard, but these sound useful too
I have to say, my fiancee is transmasc and they are v jealous of your beard situation. (I know nothing about beard maintenance)
It's a tricky thing! The beard makes all the difference in terms of getting gendered male, and in a lot of ways I love the way it looks, but I also sometimes feel a really jarring sense of ??? when I feel like my face and my beard don't "match." It can feel kind of fraught!
Same. 4 years on T and all I have to show for it is a mustache and a scruffy 1x2 inch patch on my chin
I'M YOUR HUCKLEBERRY
Hah! More on the bottom of my chin, not so much the soul patch
also v jealous of just about any beard situation (because they are nearly all better than my own)
You should definitely write a novel.
Today I'm working at my behemoth employer's new downtown Denver space, which is consciously built to ape the silicon valley ideal. Open floor plans, modular desktops, a central kitchen and lounge, floor to ceiling windows. The chairs are very nice. You can write on the table surfaces.
dears! glad you’re on your way back. as to beard maintenance, i can say that john’s regimen involves a regular trim with my good tweezerman scissors and “honest amish beard balm”
the dressed podcast just did an episode on the history of facial hair and all the different social meanings behind beard and mustache styles! in case you need inspiration
You might consider a beard trimmer of some sort; I despise blade shaving and have used electric shavers for years
I have some homework to do but I would rather be working on my trans wizard fiction so instead of doing either I am here. So far so good!
this works on my girlfriend's head but it claims to work for beards too: https://thecutbuddy.com/
Oil, a brush and a comb