Tonight, On Murder Most Noticeable!

I’ve started writing a script for a very light Murder, She Wrote-style comedy to while away the long months before Women’s Hotel comes out in October.¹ My dream is to strong-arm my friends into a table read sometime in the fall, so if you’re within spitting distance of New York and want to be a part of it, just say the word and I’ll strong-arm you too.

MURDER MOST NOTICEABLE

FADE IN: 

A black screen. An unseen figure announces:

Tonight, on MURDER MOST NOTICEABLE!

EXT. MAIN STREET – DAY 

A venerable-looking old TOWN FATHER stops and addresses an offscreen character. He’s clearly offended.

TOWN FATHER: I suggest you watch your tone. My wife happens to be a homosexual.

INT. CHARLOTTE QUERYABLE’S TASTEFULLY-APPOINTED LIVING ROOM - DAY

The SHERIFF’S DEPUTY walks slowly towards CHARLOTTE, who is looking anxiously towards someone just offscreen. 

DEPUTY: I saw a car double-parked outside and I thought there might be something the matter – why, Charlotte, that man’s holding a gun! Look out!

INT. MEAT LOCKER - DAY 

CHARLOTTE QUERYABLE leans around a door frame looking over a crime scene being investigated by two detectives. They’re so busy studying the corpse in the middle of the room that they’ve failed to notice the ceremonial dagger lodged between the cooling units arranged against the back wall.

CHARLOTTE: Oh, Chief Goshen? There seems to be something you’ve overlooked on the floor...much as you’re overlooking me now. 

The SHERIFF and DETECTIVE look at one another, abashed. You should never overlook CHARLOTTE QUERYABLE.