Welcome to 1961, and to being a handsome male actor! Thank you for your interest in being a handsome male actor in 1961, where the rule for you is tight, taut, male swaddling! Thank you for coming to us with your fourteen-pushup body and severe close-cropped hairline, your critical neck-tan, lightly-furred wrists and your most jutting chin. We’re going to put the smallest, most-tense things all over your body. Your body! Your swimming-pool novelist body. We’ll ensnug you, egg-drinking fit man, with your celery-stick tie and your Bloody Mary skin. Money-hard shoes, hard and tight and glossy-thick like cockroach wings! Trim-and-terse dress socks, hauled up over your fifty-year-old calves, snapped into knee garters as tight as your own blood vessels. Snap them closed, snap them shut, wear a bear-trap on your apple-pie male feet!
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