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Previously in Mr. Wilson coverage: “He carries a monastery with him; the fat and peaceful abbot without, the community existing out-of-time within, the peacefulness of ever-moving feet, the aimlessness of the labyrinth, the quiet pleasure in the unintended nugget of discovery left upon the floor.”
Classic
It is morning and he wants to go outside
It is evening and he wants to be lifted onto the bed
It is morning and he wants to be fed breakfast
It is evening and he wants to be fed dinner
It is late at night and he is thirsty, but does not want to be carried from the bed to his water dish; he wants his dish brought to him and placed just below his nose while he slowly considers the possibility of drinking from it
He has gotten trapped in the kitchen (foiled by the half-stair he can easily walk up but cannot walk down) and requires immediate evacuation by air
He has gotten trapped in the bathroom (foiled by the half-stair he can easily walk up but cannot walk down) and requires immediate evacuation by air
He has gotten trapped in the kitchen (foiled by the half-stair he can easily walk up but cannot walk down) but is not ready to leave; he wants me to come and do something in the kitchen while he finishes snuffling around the floor
Gogo and Bon-Bon are playing at a distance he considers impertinent or disrespectful
Gogo and Bon-Bon are playing at a distance he considers respectful and he wants to encourage them
Off-Beat
I have placed him on the bed but have not immediately gotten onto the bed to sit next to him; I have gone back to the kitchen for a glass of water first, leaving a 20-second window where he is on the bed with only Bon-Bon, Gogo, Grace, and Lily for company
He has been on the floor for anywhere between thirty seconds and ten minutes, and grows weary of it
He has been on the bed for too long and wants to smell the floor
Unexpected
I have gone to the bathroom to take a shower, closing the door behind me
I am in a different room than he thought I was in
Esoteric
He is on the Wrong Couch
He has recently been moved from the Wrong Couch to the couch opposite it
He is on the floor next to the two couches and wishes to be placed upon one of them
No, the other one
Put Me Back On The Floor Again
He has just started eating
He has finished eating and wants me to remove the paper towel he eats his dinner from
He has finished eating and wants to drink water, but cannot remember where his water dish is
He has finished eating before Gogo has finished eating
The kitchen has been cordoned off by the trash can and he cannot climb the half-stair
Hermetic/Ineffable
He is in the kitchen, and I am in the kitchen, but I’m standing behind him
Five In Morning
Fridge door is open
He has finished drinking water and doesn’t know what to do next
My latest book, Dear Prudence is on sale April 4th. It's an anthology-slash-retrospective of my tenure as Slate’s advice columnist from 2016-2021. You can pre-order your copy here.
Why is Mr. Wilson Barking?
Danny!
I couldn't help myself! Had to repost Mr. Wilson, just to hear him bark again!!!