Lily and Grace and I just had a baby yesterday! His name is Rocco and he is terrific. By far the smallest guy I’ve ever met. If you’ve got any baby advice you think we could use, please do feel very free to share it, since this is a first for all three of us.
The best advice I was given: it’s all temporary. All of it. When the hard parts feel impossible, know they will pass. When the good parts feel joyful, cherish them, because they’ll pass too.
Second best: if any one of you is feeling completely inconsolably overwhelmed, drink a glass of water and/or go outside.
Also, while I have tried my hardest to read everything ever written about parenting in the hopes it will magically make it easier, I’m sorry to report that nobody has ever written a book about YOUR baby so you just have to muddle it all out yourselves.
In about a month, when he’s more solid and awake but still floppy, it will be the best time for one person to hold the camera and the other to dance the baby like a muppet to an old timey song
Baby advice: You're already ahead of the game because you've been working on your family-of-origin trauma. There are tons of advice books that will tell you contradictory things about sleep schedules, attachment parenting, weaning, co-sleeping, etc. etc. In my experience, none of these choices will make or break your baby. Pick the method that keeps you, as parents, as emotionally regulated and rested as possible.
Before they're old enough to ask for the same damn picture book 50 times, you can read them anything aloud, so now is your chance to get through the new Judith Butler book.
Congratulations!! Rocco is absolutely delightful. I have a 5 month old tater tot and am also part of a 3-parent family (there are not too many of us!) so if you ever wanna chat 3-parent-family stuff, let me know. In many ways it’s the luckiest thing in the world!
My small bit of practical advice is to get knee socks because the normal ones fall off their little feet. And if any of you have iPhones, turn on the Live Photo feature because you get sweet mini videos for every picture!
My very small bit of advice - get some pacifier clips if you're using pacifiers. Without them you spend 1 hour each day searching under furniture for errant pacifiers.
My husband and I had our baby a week ago, so we're navigating this new parent thing, too (though unfortunately, he's currently in the NICU, though doing better). Congrats!
The good thing about babies is that they have a decent difficulty progression curve wrt the complexity of their needs. Sleep, warmth, and getting sufficient nutrients into their mouth is all you really need to worry about just now.
I am also in a throuple; we had our first kid last year and she is now 5 months old!
- I have still been pleasantly surprised by how few institutions (doctors, childcare, etc) have given us any grief or pushback for having three parents. Almost everyone is very accommodating, and when they aren’t, it’s usually for bureaucratic reasons out of their control. I was expecting to have to fight things more. We do live in the Bay Area and are all cis though, which both probably help.
- we got a lawyer to help us get a parentage judgement recognizing all of us as legal parents on the (amended) birth certificate. This was easier than an adoption; we’re hopeful we won’t regret going that route! Not sure what the laws are outside of California for this.
- it has been *wonderful* to be able to get out of the house as pairs without needing to find childcare. Movies, concerts, evening art events - we haven’t had to give those up, as long as we rotate who stays home with the baby. Then we take her out all together as a family during the daytime!
Danny! Congrats and have a marvelous time. I’ll direct you to what cold comfort farm has to say in this subject as your announcement recalls it.
Little tiny babies is a time to reach out to friends for help, not avoid them. It’s easy to get out of the habit of seeing people.
More importantly, early times sleep deprivation is the perfect time to spontaneously generate new songs for babies from your malfunctioning brain. I still use the one that I made up on the day my son was born.
Babies are wonderful and I wish I could have had a dozen instead of responsibly stopping at two. :)
I envy those beginning their parenting journey!
Love them and raise them WITHOUT REGARD FOR AMERICAN PARENTING NORMS. Mine are grown and I’m grateful I learned from mentoring moms (and cultural anthropologists) that there are much better ways than what we see in this culture. You don’t know who this baby is, but you will find out. He will show you if you empower him to be who he is, not who you want him to be. It starts in babyhood. Let Rocco nurse according to his needs, which will be way more than you’d think. Respect for the baby’s hunger and need for human touch is the first way you show him that you care about his needs. Set aside authoritarian parenting styles like cry-it-out.
Read to him and tell him stories all the time.
Omg, this will be so amazing and awesome and exhilarating and exhausting. Congrats!
Congratulations!!! What a cutie and so lucky to already have 3 devoted parents. I agree with those who said "sleep when the baby sleeps" if you can and to maximize sleep for everyone as a general matter. What helped us with a newborn / infant is trying to do all chores when the baby was awake (babywearing, baby chilling on floor or in bouncy seat, whatever) -- baby will actually find it all pretty interesting. When baby is asleep though, no chores! Just sleeping / resting for everyone.
I am so happy for you two! I have three kids and my advice is from Tracy Hogg (RIP) "The Baby Whisperer".... (paraphrasing): Meet your kid. They're not like anyone else, and if you approach them with an open mind, they'll tell you how they like to be treated, and they'll explain the cues they will use for their basic needs. If you trust them, they'll trust you, and you both won't meet resistance." I SWEAR TO ______ this works. It's amazing. And since I have a para-social relationship with your persona who writes with an incredibly candid and sensitive eye, I'm SURE you will have no issues whatsoever with this advice, if you choose to take it :)
The best advice I was given: it’s all temporary. All of it. When the hard parts feel impossible, know they will pass. When the good parts feel joyful, cherish them, because they’ll pass too.
Second best: if any one of you is feeling completely inconsolably overwhelmed, drink a glass of water and/or go outside.
Also, while I have tried my hardest to read everything ever written about parenting in the hopes it will magically make it easier, I’m sorry to report that nobody has ever written a book about YOUR baby so you just have to muddle it all out yourselves.
Welcome to the world, lovely Rocco. ♥️
In about a month, when he’s more solid and awake but still floppy, it will be the best time for one person to hold the camera and the other to dance the baby like a muppet to an old timey song
Congratulations! New Dad pic joy so radiant I checked my brightness settings!
Mazel tov on your little butterball!
Baby advice: You're already ahead of the game because you've been working on your family-of-origin trauma. There are tons of advice books that will tell you contradictory things about sleep schedules, attachment parenting, weaning, co-sleeping, etc. etc. In my experience, none of these choices will make or break your baby. Pick the method that keeps you, as parents, as emotionally regulated and rested as possible.
Before they're old enough to ask for the same damn picture book 50 times, you can read them anything aloud, so now is your chance to get through the new Judith Butler book.
The best advice I ever got was that it’s not your job to calm them down, it’s your job to be calm while they do whatever the hell they need to do
You guys looks so happy, super delighted for you all!!
Congratulations!! Rocco is absolutely delightful. I have a 5 month old tater tot and am also part of a 3-parent family (there are not too many of us!) so if you ever wanna chat 3-parent-family stuff, let me know. In many ways it’s the luckiest thing in the world!
My small bit of practical advice is to get knee socks because the normal ones fall off their little feet. And if any of you have iPhones, turn on the Live Photo feature because you get sweet mini videos for every picture!
Congratulations! This is so so great.
My very small bit of advice - get some pacifier clips if you're using pacifiers. Without them you spend 1 hour each day searching under furniture for errant pacifiers.
My husband and I had our baby a week ago, so we're navigating this new parent thing, too (though unfortunately, he's currently in the NICU, though doing better). Congrats!
Three parents feels like cheating!
My top new baby tips:
- sleep when the baby sleeps
- never waken a sleeping baby
The good thing about babies is that they have a decent difficulty progression curve wrt the complexity of their needs. Sleep, warmth, and getting sufficient nutrients into their mouth is all you really need to worry about just now.
Congratulations! Rocco is a great name.
I am also in a throuple; we had our first kid last year and she is now 5 months old!
- I have still been pleasantly surprised by how few institutions (doctors, childcare, etc) have given us any grief or pushback for having three parents. Almost everyone is very accommodating, and when they aren’t, it’s usually for bureaucratic reasons out of their control. I was expecting to have to fight things more. We do live in the Bay Area and are all cis though, which both probably help.
- we got a lawyer to help us get a parentage judgement recognizing all of us as legal parents on the (amended) birth certificate. This was easier than an adoption; we’re hopeful we won’t regret going that route! Not sure what the laws are outside of California for this.
- it has been *wonderful* to be able to get out of the house as pairs without needing to find childcare. Movies, concerts, evening art events - we haven’t had to give those up, as long as we rotate who stays home with the baby. Then we take her out all together as a family during the daytime!
Wishing y’all best of luck!
Danny! Congrats and have a marvelous time. I’ll direct you to what cold comfort farm has to say in this subject as your announcement recalls it.
Little tiny babies is a time to reach out to friends for help, not avoid them. It’s easy to get out of the habit of seeing people.
More importantly, early times sleep deprivation is the perfect time to spontaneously generate new songs for babies from your malfunctioning brain. I still use the one that I made up on the day my son was born.
Babies are wonderful and I wish I could have had a dozen instead of responsibly stopping at two. :)
I envy those beginning their parenting journey!
Love them and raise them WITHOUT REGARD FOR AMERICAN PARENTING NORMS. Mine are grown and I’m grateful I learned from mentoring moms (and cultural anthropologists) that there are much better ways than what we see in this culture. You don’t know who this baby is, but you will find out. He will show you if you empower him to be who he is, not who you want him to be. It starts in babyhood. Let Rocco nurse according to his needs, which will be way more than you’d think. Respect for the baby’s hunger and need for human touch is the first way you show him that you care about his needs. Set aside authoritarian parenting styles like cry-it-out.
Read to him and tell him stories all the time.
Omg, this will be so amazing and awesome and exhilarating and exhausting. Congrats!
Hooray and congratulations! If it helps--keep in mind that it is likely Rocco's first time around, too. <3
Be kind to yourself.
You'll make mistakes. My kid is 23 - I had her at 23, so half of my lifetime has been trying to figure out how to do this Right.
You'll be tired and lose your temper and say the wrong thing. That's okay. You'll be scared and lonely at times, and that will be okay, too.
You will make mistakes. The best thing you can hope for is to make new and novel mistakes, different ones than your parents made.
Be as kind to yourself as a parent as you wanted someone to be to the child you were. We're all just doing our best.
Mazel tov. 💗
Congratulations!!! What a cutie and so lucky to already have 3 devoted parents. I agree with those who said "sleep when the baby sleeps" if you can and to maximize sleep for everyone as a general matter. What helped us with a newborn / infant is trying to do all chores when the baby was awake (babywearing, baby chilling on floor or in bouncy seat, whatever) -- baby will actually find it all pretty interesting. When baby is asleep though, no chores! Just sleeping / resting for everyone.
I am so happy for you two! I have three kids and my advice is from Tracy Hogg (RIP) "The Baby Whisperer".... (paraphrasing): Meet your kid. They're not like anyone else, and if you approach them with an open mind, they'll tell you how they like to be treated, and they'll explain the cues they will use for their basic needs. If you trust them, they'll trust you, and you both won't meet resistance." I SWEAR TO ______ this works. It's amazing. And since I have a para-social relationship with your persona who writes with an incredibly candid and sensitive eye, I'm SURE you will have no issues whatsoever with this advice, if you choose to take it :)
Regardless, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!