223 Comments

hi, gang - grace here - just wanted to say thanks for the good wishes; I'm hanging in and Danny is a really skilled and loving caregiver. lucky to have such a husband - and grateful to all of you for saying hi xoxo

Expand full comment

love you bb girl

Expand full comment

you too wonderone

Expand full comment

feel better Grace!

Expand full comment

I'm rewatching Salt Fat Acid Heat because Samin Nosrat's wamth and palpable joy is so comforting right now and it's distracting me from worrying the immune compromised people in my life.

Expand full comment

I would do ANYTHING for her focaccia right now. You are making such a good choice!

Expand full comment

If I didn't have celiac I would already be making it!

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Mar 16, 2020
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

If you ever do figure it out let me know! I've been celiac since I was a toddler so I've never experienced focaccia and it seems quite wonderful.

Expand full comment

I also have celiacs and I love nothing more than watching gluten-full food content like Great british bake off lol

Expand full comment

Perhaps try the foccacia recipe in Gluten Free Baking Classics by Annalise Roberts? I haven't made that particular recipe, but everything in that cookbook is reliably good. (If it's possible to post images here, I can share it if anyone is interested.)

Expand full comment

For anyone who doesn't have Netflix (or is a Samin Nosrat completist), there's a Bon Appetit YouTube video where she makes foccacia with Brad, and it is PURE JOY. (Also, can we put links in comments here?)

Expand full comment

Try the Bon Appetit "Shockingly Easy No-Knead Focaccia." I am an idiot at yeasted doughs and have had repeated success with it.

Expand full comment

AS WE SPEAK my boyfriend is in the kitchen mixing stuff up so we can have her buttermilk chicken tonight! Rewatching the show seems like a brilliant idea

Expand full comment

On Insta, Samin said they are kind a podcast or something about cooking during this time.

Expand full comment

*making a podcast

Expand full comment

Her book was what got me into cooking as a hobby, and tbh the promise of cooking delicious things at home is one of the silver linings I'm currently clinging to now that i'm social distancing and working remote from home. I love her!

Expand full comment

I love this idea. I need some Samin in my life.

Expand full comment

I feel like we need to accept that it's time to rewatch American Vandal as a group

Expand full comment

YES

Expand full comment

i rewatched the entirety of season 1 in like a 36 hour span this weekend....... will prob keep doing that until this is over

Expand full comment

IN

Expand full comment

Yes *please*

Expand full comment

I need...emotional upliftment? I had a terrible 2019, and was stuck indoors much of winter 2019-2020, and now with the added push for social distancing, I feel a bit stir crazy. A lot of my social and emotional needs have not been met in the last year or so and I feel very volatile and sad and like nothing will get better.

On a brighter note, I am able to work 100% from home and I have everything that I need materially. I'm grateful for this, just wish I had others to share it with.

Expand full comment

PhD student solidarity! I was just talking with another one of us about how this really exacerbates all of the worst aspects of grad school for mental health. She pointed out that at least we're all going through it together, so everyone is hungry for social contact.

My plan is to alternate doing work with reaching out to the people I haven't talked to in ages and always mean to. Normally I would worry that I'll somehow be a bother, but right now you can be pretty much sure that everyone will be excited to have someone to talk to (possibly with a moratorium or time limit on topics that will only stress you both out more).

Expand full comment

Extremely relatable! I had a failed surgery at the beginning of 2019 that has limited my mobility, and juuuuusssst had a second surgery last week. Happy to chat here or elsewhere, and to provide cat pics, as well. We got this, we're pros. :muscle emoji:

Expand full comment

Me too... I have surgery this week that they havent canceled, but I hope I get my mobility back. Let's all hope the cats keep us strong.

Expand full comment

Wow it sounds like you're in precisely the same boat as me - PhD+job and all. I think the thing that's kind of kept me tethered is the knowledge that this set of circumstances will also change - just as circumstances changed to get me to the place where 2019 was Fucking Rough. We aren't going to be like this forever, AC! It'll definitely change, and meanwhile your main job is to be super nice and gentle to yourself in whatever way you can.

Expand full comment

Are you able to go outside? Avoiding crowded places doesn't mean you can't take walks, go to a park, etc! I've been making it a priority to go outside every day and it's really helpful for my mental health.

Expand full comment

I'm so sorry to hear that! Cabin fever is a huge Thing with me. What do you do on your own for fun?

Expand full comment

Yoga, TV and reading. I'm also a PhD student - so in many ways, my lifestyle hasn't changed, it's just that...one likes to have the option of doing fun things outside.

Expand full comment

Fellow PhD hi-5!! (I'm defending my dissertation this Wednesday so in all likelihood further along than you but still.) Echoing the above commenter's suggestion to be nice to yourself any way you can - one thing I have found helpful in absence of actually leaving the house is opening the windows, sometimes just hearing people on the street helps.

Not sure how other commenters feel about this, but I have been leaving the house... to take walks in the park. The main thing for me is avoiding public transport and other crowded spaces, and to maintain a respectable distance of six feet from others at all times. (The city where I live isn't super dense so YMMV)

Expand full comment

I would feel fine going outside, as long as you aren't near people or touching things other people will touch.

Congrats on being so close to defending! That's so exciting.

Expand full comment

Good luck on your defense!! I'm defending in the fall.

Expand full comment

I think going out for walks is perfectly fine and a healthy thing to do! I'm wishing that the weather in Minnesota would warm up so we could enjoy some time outdoors... it's currently snowing.

Expand full comment

Good luck with your defence!

Expand full comment

Thank you! (Just repeating what other people have said already but... PhDs are rough and I definitely considered dropping out at various points. You will be ok!)

Expand full comment

Congrats and good luck on your defense!

Expand full comment

Thank you!

Expand full comment

I heard also figured I was already mostly self isolated by my remote work, but knowing you *can't* leave is truly a whole different level. Do you have a favorite yoga instruction or are you able to lead yourself? I've been following YogaInMelbourne on YouTube because she is so chill and her rooms are so pretty.

Expand full comment

ooh I'm gonna check YogaInMelbourne out thanks!

Expand full comment

When double checking, I realized I've been misreading it for months! YoginiMelbourne

Expand full comment

PhD love from the Netherlands <3

I've been working from home for the past few weeks already (whee weak immune system), and definitely have been having trouble concentrating more than normal.

What are you researching?

Expand full comment

My last trip out into the word before social isolation was to go pick up your new book at our local bookstore! Something That May Shock & Discredit You is keeping me company today. :)

Expand full comment

That means so much to me -- thank you. I hope you have a wonderful time reading it!

Expand full comment

I was hooked from the first chapter! Childhood rapture fear is so real 😳

Expand full comment

I bought it the day after it came out and have been reading it in chunks. My friends will probably be grateful when I finish reading it so I'll stop going "Listen—stop what you're doing—DIRTBAG SAPPHO"

Expand full comment

I share the same sentiment as Linnea! I just got my copy of your book, and it is a delight from page to page.

Expand full comment

I picked it up at your event at the Strand, read it, loved it, and sent it along with my roommate when she went to her fiance's to ride this out, and they are both very excited to read it and be beautifully distracted from coronavirus news.

Expand full comment

I started reading your book last night when I couldn't sleep so I could have feelings about gender instead of anxiety about pandemics. The book is very good and it was the right choice.

Expand full comment

You are going to LOVE IT. Book of the year. I am not biased at all. But also I have loved all of Danny's books and this is my favourite.

Expand full comment

I just finished it yesterday — you’ll love it!

Expand full comment

I had to make the hard decision to cancel an event I'd spent a year planning. It was going to be really rad and queer and a lot of people were excited for it. I know we made the right choice, but we're still mourning it.

Otherwise, I'm finding myself surprisingly well-equipped to deal with this, having been isolated and holed up a lot these past few years. I'm organizing a remote skillshare with my friends and making opportunities for creative types to share their work and collaborate. If anyone wants to hang out and make things, I can send you a link to our Discord server.

Expand full comment

That really sucks. I'm sorry. Thinking of you and hope you end up getting to do it again down the road.

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Mar 16, 2020
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

Yay! I sent you a friend request. Or you can just use this link: https://discord.gg/hFykHr

Expand full comment

Both my partner and I have been fired by our jobs in light of everything happening and we’re kind of worried about money to be frank. Planning on spending the day applying for unemployment, watching Miss Fisher’s Murder mysteries and trying to stay positive about not having any income at the moment

Expand full comment

My partner and I are so touched with every one that’s sent us a little help! They wanted to let you all know that if you ever are in LA, elbow bumps and free coffee are yours!

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Mar 16, 2020
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

I do, thank you! ❤️My Venmo is badfolklorist

Expand full comment

Yeah it was kind of a wild day when we both found out. We’re trying to stay strong, and hope that things go back to normal once things calm down a bit. Do you know LA, the grind never ends

Expand full comment

I'm rewatching Gilmore Girls and mapping all the characters on an X/Y quadrant of narcissistic personality disorder and early 2000s charm. Any other old TV suggestions?

Expand full comment

The O.C.!

Expand full comment

Veronica Mars?

Expand full comment

I mean, always, always Buffy. Or Pushibg Daisies!

Expand full comment

Buffy has been my drug of choice.

Expand full comment

Pushing Daisies was such a good TV show

Expand full comment

Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the one from the 90s! Say hi to Aunt Science Bae, Zelda)

Expand full comment

Salem!

Expand full comment

Sex and the City! Especially as you enjoy mapping character flaws!

Expand full comment

Anybody else remember the show Popular? Not sure if it would hold up but some of the actresses (Leslie Bibb, Sara Rue) popped up on this guilty pleasure show American Housewife that has become my bingey background friend. I remember this one line so clearly--Leslie said Sara couldn't be a cheerleader "BECAUSE...YOU'RE...FAT."

Expand full comment

Yes! I am still haunted by this show’s emphasis on being “a perfect size 2” and so thin that other girls covet your visible hip bones.

Expand full comment

It had a terrible theme song too--terrible in a very literal, L Word theme song kinda way where they lay out all the themes of the show. Something about "what matters most in life: character, or rock hard thighs?" - it pops into my head every now & then. I'm not gonna YouTube it, want it to float around my brain as unresolved idle curiosity until I see the show again.

Expand full comment

Friends! Grey's Anatomy!

Expand full comment

would love to see your results- this sounds fun

Expand full comment

The X-Files is a treasure trove of personality disorders.

Expand full comment

Hey hey! First of all, do you and Grace need anything? Hope you're both holding up well. 💜

I was Very Sad on Saturday when my library announced we were closing to the public. Not because I don't agree that was a wise and important choice! More because kids stuck at home, and their caregivers, maybe need my Children's Room more than ever right now. We also have a lot of families who rely on the library for internet and printer access (so streaming something fun probably isn't a way they're able to cope with being homebound), and some who use it as a safe place to shelter themselves and their children during the day because they are homeless. So far we're only closing for two weeks, and I'm really hoping the "essential staff" who are still clocking in will be able to use that time to identify safe ways we can maybe open our doors back up and provide some support to folks soon.

But! A thing that is making me feel better is that a mom I regularly babysit for and a friend of hers have asked me to sit for their kids over the next couple weeks. They're both single moms in small apartments who need to work from home for the foreseeable future, so they had been feeling panicky about how they were going to do their parenting and professional work at the same time every day now that schools have closed. My sitting for both of their children means that they can split my regular rate for two kids, which makes that childcare affordable to them when it wouldn't be otherwise. So I'm feeling really grateful both that I can offer them some caregiving backup and that I'll still...kind of get to do my job every day? Still keeping kids safe and engaging their imaginations, just in a different way.

Expand full comment

That's so kind of you. We're doing well for now; I'm able to run out quickly to shops for things we need, and we have enough money coming in from our day jobs that we can absorb the loss of fees from book sales and speaking engagements without worrying that we can't pay our bills. I just hope I don't get it next -- my fear is that we'll both be sick at the same time.

Expand full comment

Oof, I hear you. But I'm so glad that things are manageable. Sending lots of healing thoughts to Grace and Immune System Fortification thoughts to you!

Expand full comment

If anyone is looking for yoga AND a way to help someone in need, Emily Joy (who started #ChurchToo) is teaching yoga via Instagram stories this week. Emily and her partner (and heir dog!) lost their home in Nashville during the tornado, so while her yoga class will be free, she'll have her venmo listed. Here's her instagram for more: https://www.instagram.com/emilyjoypoetry/

Expand full comment

Thanks for sharing this!!

Expand full comment

If anyone wants/ needs a tarot reading via video chat, about the current *gestures grimly* or about whatever, I would love to do that for folks. I have the Scary Cough and a job that can't be worked remotely so I am free... constantly.

Expand full comment

I'd love a Tarot reading! Can I venmo you for it?

Expand full comment

absolutely! email me at jamiebeckenstein [at] gmail and we can pick a video format

Expand full comment

sent!!

Expand full comment

I'm going to just start randomly calling friends on the phone because why not.

Expand full comment

call me later!! I'm off work at 2!

Expand full comment

Nothing's shocking

Expand full comment

I hope grace feels better asap! Let me know if you need anything. We’re okay. I’ve got a gross stomach bug & my kids’ school is closed for the foreseeable future so I am deeply reliant on Disney+ rn and throwing the notion of getting work done out the window. my husband is newly a staff union rep for the hospital he used to work at here in Philly, which is chaotic at the moment lol. it’s a bit of a shit show but we’re getting through. Thanks for doing this. <3

Expand full comment

oh I'm so glad to hear you're doing okay, and I hope the kids are finding Disney+ etc to be HYPNOTICALLY INTERESTING

Expand full comment

Oh no! My best to you and Grace for her recovery. I also am confined to my home, albeit as a preventative measure, following an unluckily timed sojourn to Europe. No regrets - I caught up with a dear friend I haven’t seen in years, and was most pleased to find that she makes an excellent travel companion in addition to an excellent friend - but I had a rather stressful day on Thursday, when I decided that it was Time To Go, and then ended up stuck on a train for five hours (three! hours! longer! than the journey should have taken), followed by several hours on hold with my airline to rearrange my return flights.

I’m relaxing by watching Nigella Lawson on DVD, whose benignly joyful energy is just what I need right now. Currently she’s making a cauliflower and chickpea salad with harissa, which I’m sure I’ll be making at some point once I’m allowed to go to the shops again 😂

Expand full comment

Hopefully Grace does not have other underlying conditions and she will get better quickly. Thanks for the shout out to everyone and the link to the SWC below. I'm thinking its time to reread my favorite novel "100 Years of Solitude" for the 37th time...magical realism may be apropos right now.

Expand full comment

Based on how many copies I've sold at my bookstore in the last week, Gabriel Garcia Marquez is having a moment. Especially Love in the Time of Cholera, I alone checked out at least 5 customers buying it. Very fitting, for certain temperaments (not mine, I'm avoiding all plague-y literature for the moment)

Expand full comment

Very interesting!! I can understand the reluctance to read LTC. Marquez is so mesmerizing that I find myself living out the narratives as I read them.

Expand full comment

Danny, you're a delight, and I hope Grace recovers soon!

My spouse and I just moved 3000 miles for an airline job, a decision which, in light of current events, is looking...questionable.

BUT I'm here to share the one thing that's lightening my day today, which is this nytimes rainbow sprinkle cake recipe: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1018364-rainbow-sprinkle-cake?em_pos=medium&emc=edit_ck_20170326&nl=cooking&nlid=75870329&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI88mNsKCf6AIVyiCtBh3sqwFbEAAYASAAEgJdq_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

(Here's an unaltered non-paywall version: http://diana212m.blogspot.com/2018/03/yay-its-wednesday-cake.html)

It's been popping up in my newsfeed for weeks now, and that pic got the better of my isolation brain. As soon as I unpack our baking stuff, it's fancy funfetti time!!! Advertising works people.

Expand full comment

Someone shared this NYC based info/aid list if anyone wants: https://docs.google.com/document/d/18WYGoVlJuXYc3QFN1RABnARZlwDG3aLQsnNokl1KhZQ/preview

Expand full comment

just did yoga (out of boredom), tired of wrestling with fucking blackboard, and I need to work on writing a grant but I JUST DON'T WANT TO. That about sums things up.

Expand full comment

Danny, you're a continual joy in my inbox, just, in general and so you know.

In what might be the worst timing on Earth, I got fired about a week ago. If anyone has anything to spare, my Venmo is @the28dogs. I'm hoping to get set up on unemployment soon, but this is a very scary time to be without health insurance.

In much lighter news, I started Godless yesterday and am obsessed - Jeff Daniels as a traumatized, bloodthirsty Mormon! Lady Mary! Merritt Wever wearing men's clothes and kissing girls!

I'm also into season 3 of my first-ever watch of The Sopranos, if anyone wants to chat about the absolute perfection of Edie Falco as Carmella.

Expand full comment

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you get on unemployment soon, and in the meantime thank you for sharing your Venmo.

And Edie!! SHE KILLS ME!

Expand full comment

At least once an episode I point at the TV and yell, "LOOK AT HER FACE!!" Because it's just so...much!

Expand full comment

Food banks in the bay area (and I would think nationally, though I don't have data) are in dire need of volunteers who are not symptomatic to help prep and deliver groceries.

As more and more people are homebound, those who typically go to food pantries or public schools for their meals have a whole new obstacle to contend with.

https://www.sfmfoodbank.org/volunteer/

https://www.accfb.org/volunteering/

Expand full comment

I'm a final-year college student in the UK- we've had no information from the university administration about how we'll be examined or whether next term were happen, people are being randomly evicted, it's chaos. If anyone knows of ways to help people in isolation for those who don't have a lot of money to donate/ways to support those who are quarantined alone, it would be great to be able to do something. Much love to you and Grace; your writing has been a light for me.

Expand full comment

Thanks, Danny. Just want to say that you’re a light in the world and I’m thankful for you. 💝 Hanging in there with the kids, going on a walk in a few minutes.

Expand full comment

I don't have a... Great relationship with my parents and was working to get out of this house when, uh, all this happened. So.

Upshot is I'm always anxious anyway so it's finally my time to shine, baby.

What else. I finished reading WicDiv. Anyone watch Joe Pera Talks With You? I think it might be one of my favorite shows now.

Expand full comment

Joe Pera is SO soothing!

Expand full comment

Hi Danny! I wish Grace a fast recovery and would love to hear what tv you are watching.

Expand full comment

The Sopranos, for the FIRST TIME!

Expand full comment

I am very excited to read anything you write about The Sopranos!

Expand full comment

Enjoy the ride!

Expand full comment

Three parts anxiety--one for the coming medical capacity crisis, one for lack of guidance from my job about what we're going to do (I'm a public defender, so just waiting for New York courts to get their act together), and one part guilt about going outside a few times in the past two days.

I'm not generally an anxious person. This is hard!

Expand full comment

I know it's a very dry thing but I have a pro Zoom account through work and can set up virtual recurring film clubs, book clubs, stitch n bitch, etc if anyone has suggestions, ideas, or requests. Most likely going to set up movie watching and Friday night shabbat at the very least.

Expand full comment