Sitemap - 2021 - The Chatner

Adventures in Narcissism: Lines From Xenophon's Wikipedia Page I Wish Were About Me

Adventures in Narcissism: Lines From John Banville's Wikipedia Page I Wish Were About Me

Finding The Origin Of "Going Out For Cigarettes"

Making The News A Little More Fun

A Comprehensive Account Of Every Feeling I Have Ever Had At A Medieval Times

The Battle Between Carnival and Lent: Homer Simpson, The Land of Cockaigne, and The Triumph of The Flesh

There Should Be A Pneumatic Tube In Grocery Stores For Returning Something You've Changed Your Mind About Buying

Additional Fatal Fitness Crazes Had The Sex and the City Reunion Show Happened Sooner

Things The Men At The Italian Deli Said To Me This Morning

Welcome To Coffee Shop, Bathroom Occupied!

HBO's "Succession" As Prophesied By The Season-Three 30 Rock Episode "Succession"

What We Know For Sure About The Druids Is Nothing And Shut Up

They Don't (Re)Make 'Em Like That Anymore: Formerly-Popular Hollywood Remakes

"No, you poor people - You don't deserve a good king like me": Salieri, Sondheim, Sheila, Last, At Last, The Last Of

Imagine A Special Little Guy: Similarities Between Dune's Paul Atreides And Freud's Little Hans

The Scripts For Bring It On and Point Break Where "Cheerleader" and "Surfer" Have Been Replaced By "AFAB"

A Day In The Life of a Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist

Kindly Consider: Second Halloween

These Paintings of Cats Will Be The Death Of Us All: On Movie Trailers and Logical Necessities

The Magic Words are Squeamish Ossifrage

Please, humble traveller, do not venture to draw back my hood! I assure you, I am not Richard the Lionheart!

How Do Mario and Luigi Fit Into The Medieval Three-Estate Model?

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: A Late Start

How To Feed Your Blood: The Moonstruck Diet

The Boxcar Children, Part VIII: Watching A Dog

Succession of Dune

I'm So Sorry – I Never Do This! – But Did You Used To Have Class Outside?

Interview With A Former Tour Guide At The Celestial Seasonings Factory

The Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Bear Expanded Universe

Welcome To Classic Restaurant!

Talking To Trans People About The Third Wachowski's Unproduced Screenplay About A Haunted Garbageman (Real)

The Zero Abuse Project's Menlo Church Assessment Is Now Publicly Available

If You Could Just Repeat That One More Time: The Sorry, What Was That? Press Conference

How To Pack For A Two-Day Trip

Play Your Lunches With Orson: The At-Home Game

That One Type Of TV Show I Will Always, Always Watch

A Surprisingly Thoughtful, Refreshingly Nuanced Interview at the Guardian

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: Carne Vale

The Stages of Not-Considering Bottom Surgery

Gracious Traveler! What Humble Meal Will You Share With This Trembling Old Widder-Woman By The Side Of The King's Road?

John the Baptist, Melchizedek, and the Tom Bombadil Problem

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: Meals at Manderley

Imagine drawing a tiny little whale

If You Want To Be A Mythological Greek Hero, You're Going To Have To Fight A Pig

Roderick Peril-in-the-Field, Knight Without Honor

An informal Translation of Hesiod's Theogony, or Actually Deriving Supreme Executive Power From Some Farcical Aquatic Ceremony

The Menu From The Greatest Restaurant In The World: The Everything Is A Little Bit Burned Café

"They'll All Be So Fancy; Why Don't You Be Plain?" Fashion and Religious Ecstasy in 1939's The Women

Inspector Gadget and the Ship of Theseus

I'm Sorry, I Can't, I Have Female Socialization

Topping From The Bottom: A Universal Script For Every Team Captain Appearing on Only Connect

If Compelled To Abide: On Sobriety, Marriage, And Fictional Dog-Killing

Maladaptive Internal Responses On Seeing Other People's Dogs When I Don't Have My Dogs With Me

[Citation Needed]: Verifying the Claim That Iron John's Robert Bly And Women Who Run With The Wolves' Clarissa Pinkola Estés Had A "Friendly Correspondence"

Forgive Us Our Sins Against The Gay Bank

How To Deflect Compliments

We Must Break The Back Of Summer, Brothers

An Oral History Of Bringing All the Bags Inside In One Trip By Carrying Like Six Bags On Each Arm Instead Of Making A Second Trip Out

On Eight Years Of Waking Up

An Update On The Things Older Italian Men In My Neighborhood Say To Me About My Dogs

Literary Moneyball with George Eliot: What's The Average Smiling Rate In Middlemarch?

The Decreasingly Palatable And Increasingly Baffling Meals of "Moby Dick," In Order

Mae West and Poochie

I Stopped By Your Memory Palace. It Looks Like Shit By The Way

Every Blandly Reassuring Yet Unnerving Line From Patrick Wilson's Filmography


An Oral History Of Olympic Skitching

For Hollywood, A Simple Request: Quit Keep Doing That

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: The Wedding-Breakfast

What Happened Up North?

Billy Joel's "To His Coy Mistress"

John Le Carré's The Fast And The Furious (Because His Name Has The Word Car In It. Do You See?)

A Survey: Did Women Love Alfie in 'Alfie' Just Because He Was Handsome Michael Caine/Jude Law, Or Was I Right To Have A Vague Sense That Magic Was Involved Somehow?

A Prospective Setlist For Jaws: The Musical


"My Changes, Are They Reversible?" Yet More Chatting About HRT, With Lola Pellegrino

John Le Carré Lines I Wish Were About Me

Every Time A Gay Cipher In A John Le Carré Novel Indirectly Accuses A Colleague Of Being A Gay Cipher

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: Coffee With Maxim

Jules Gill-Peterson reunites with Daniel Lavery in: The Case Of The Barely-There HRT

On Picking Up A Book With A Keyhole Cover

Everybody's Talkin' At Me: Talking About Talking With Grace Lavery

Dudes Gawk: Talking To Guys About Other Guys Talking About Pushup Form

A Somatic Guide To Hating Your Father Without Throwing Your Back Out

A Survey: Talking to Women About Bob Odenkirk's Line, "My little women!" From Little Women

How I Tie My Shoes

Trying To Remember Succession

Art Criticism In A World Where Museums Let You Lick The Art

I'm Flustered -- I'm Furious -- But I Can't Argue With Applause -- By God, You're Hired Again!!!!

Important Types of Forgetting

Please Excuse My Eldest Daughter, Mathilde

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: Lunch With Mrs. Van Hopper

Please Miss, by Grace Lavery

A Day In The Life Of A Psychoanalyst, In My Imagination

Single-Subject Twitter Accounts, Escaping The Topicality Event Horizon, and Niles & Frasier Crane in Gaslight

"Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent" Audio, Chapter Two

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: Audiobook

Seven Hungry Brothers Seeking Same

Pride Conduct Committee

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: Leave The Gate As You Found It

Are Bitches Still Welcome In The O.C.? The Geography of Adolescence In Teen Drama

Thinking About Climate Change At 2pm Versus Thinking About Climate Change At 11pm

A Press Conference About What Happened To This Morning Where I Was Going To Get So Much Done

Hotel Dull, Food Indifferent: Dining With The deWinters

Ted Lasso and Mare of Easttown Staring Each Other Down The Barrel of The Last Sitcom Marriage

Pivoting, Softly: Welcome To The Chatner

Upcoming Events Listed In Old Issues Of "The Ladder," In Order Of How Badly I Wish I Could Have Attended

Things I've Said To My Dogs That Could Double As Lines From A Tightly-Wound Woman In A Tennessee Williams Play

Not Yet Grizzled – Still A Sea Captain

Finally, A Perfect Tarot Deck


Why You Should Consider Second Dog

Point/Counterpoint: Celebrate The Good News Of The Crab

StrengthsFinder 2.5

New Seasonal Allergies Just Dropped

Hi, Thirsty – I'm God

BCC Everyone: Please Take A Moment To Sign This Important Pledge Promising You're Not Mad At Me

Against Timarchus


Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles" With Biblical Annotations

No Joy In Mudville: Eternal Estrangement and The Abominable Fancy

Boat's Over

For Sarah Hagi, A Pivot – And Concern

Westminster Dog Commentary with Rax King and Ben Gullard

Of A Bigness: Interview With The Big Ship That Is Ruining The Ocean For Egypt

Things Old Italian Men Have Said To Me About My New Dog Gogo

Reprimands At My Transmasculine Finishing School, In Order of Severity

Those Hungry, Thirsty Sheep and Camels of God

Redwall Only Not Everyone's Thrilled To Be Praying To The Same Damn Fish Every Year After The Zillionth Feast And Gratitude-Festival

Now There's An App For That: Hey, It's That Guy – What Do I Know That Guy From?

Maybe This Will Just Get It All Out Of My System: Warhammer Warscrolls For Orson Welles and Gore Vidal

Bible Verses That Predict Elliott Gould's Character Development and Prop Work In "The Long Goodbye"

Inspirational Coffee-Mug Quotes About Women Only It's Butches

Gore Vidal and Orson Welles Play Warhammer

Brio Magazine-Related Branding Opportunities I've Missed

I Am Determined Not To Quarrel With You, Dear Auguste

It's Very Simple

Things I Might Say To That Rumpled Little Detective From The LAPD Who Keeps Turning Up On The Doorstep Of My Palatial Home With Incessant Little Questions Just As I'm Leaving For A Board Meeting

Come Watch Me Talk To Trans People and Librarians Over Zoom In March

QUIZ: What Is The Name Of Your Shockingly Well-Funded Boutique Transgender Services Start-Up?

How I Believe Various Characters From HBO's "The Sopranos" Would React If I Tried To Teach Them The Rules Of Warhammer

Were You At Oxford In 2019, And If So, Can You Help Me Source This Wild Claim That Oxford Students Started A Rumor (Sorry, Rumour) That Stendhal Was A Trans Man Or Something?

The "Saint Francis Prayer" For Haters And The Spiritually Allergic

A Pleasant Suggestion About Josh Lyman

He's Done A Runner: How Far It Is Possible To Go On Eastenders

Proust's The Prisoner

Lieutenant Columbo Reads Your Aura: A Joint Post With Calvin Kasulke

Gene Kelly Is Getting His Ballet In Come Hell Or High Water

Housekeeping the Chatner

Some, But By No Means All, Of The Gayest Tableaux In Anchors Aweigh

The Cast of "The Nanny" As "Wolf Hall" Characters